Episode 11: Solo Missions – We All Fall Down

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This week we experimented with something a little different.  It’s Chris’s first shot at a solo podcast.  We skipped the dick jokes, shortened the format, and tried to give you something useful.

We all struggle with life at times.  Some of our problems may be more serious than others.  Chris shares some of his personal experiences with hardships and offers ways to pick yourself back up when you’ve fallen down.

This is the companion audio to Chris’s blog post: If You Fell Down Yesterday

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.

If You Fell Down Yesterday

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Falling down is a part of life I know all too well.  At times I feel like I may never get back up. When I’m down I take comfort in vices that numb my senses and stunt my ability to make progress.  It makes no difference if it’s drugs, money, sex or violence; they are all the same type of distraction.  They temporarily fill the void I feel and keep me stuck.

When I’m struggling it can I feel like I will never make it past whatever I’m feeling.  I once heard someone make the analogy of hard times in our lives being like the seasons.  He likened depressions and funks to a brutal, cold winter.  The fact of the matter is it will take time, but eventually the seasons will change.  Winter will turn into spring.  The snow will melt, the flowers will bloom and you will feel the warmth of the sun again.  The same thing can be true for difficult times in our lives.

People become accustomed to living at a level much less than what they are capable of.  I know I certainly have lived this way.  It’s not that I didn’t care, it was more so I was unsure of how to change and what my first step should be.  What people don’t often recognize is it doesn’t matter so much what your first step is; what matters is that you make an effort and take action towards lifting yourself up.

There are few circumstances too difficult that the resilient human mind can’t endure.  There are stories of those abused and forced to live in the worst conditions imaginable who have created amazing lives for themselves through hard work and dedication.  Take for instance the story of  Viktor Frankl.  He was a holocaust survivor, the horrors he endured most of us couldn’t fathom.  He used his experiences in the concentration camps as the basis for writing books and making strides in the fields of therapy and psychology.  The basis for one of his most famous books, Man’s Search for Meaning, was how he discovered the importance of finding meaning in all forms of existence and a reason to continue living; even when faced with the cruel reality of life in a concentration camp. (more…)

What Cancer Has Taught Me

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I was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago.  During this short period of time, events unfolded which taught me a great deal about myself and life (or reminded me of things I may have forgotten).

Since my first surgery six weeks ago, I’ve had more down time to sit and think than I have in years.   Due to the invasive nature of the surgery and the lengthy recovery period, I have a limited ability to perform what I’ve been accustomed to viewing as basic life tasks.  This isn’t necessarily a good thing for me, “idle hands are the devils workshop.”

So many thoughts have been plaguing my mind and making me insane.  I needed to get it all out of my head and into words to try to make sense of it.  This is what I came up with.

1.  People will walk out on you when you feel you need them the most.  They will do things you can’t imagine doing to another human (even if you have done something similar to someone else, as I have).  It will be incredibly painful.  Be thankful they showed you how toxic they are and how you no longer need to be a part of their life.  It’s impossibly hard to think this way at times, but it’s for the best, this I’m certain.  On the opposite end of that spectrum, some people will surprise you when they come out of the woodwork to show you they care.

2.  People won’t know what to say to you when you’re going through difficult times.  Some people may avoid speaking to you because of this fact. Others will try to find the right words when there isn’t much to say.  Be kind to them for trying and tell them how they could best support you in your time of need.  You can’t expect them to be mind readers.

3.  I’ve learned to hate the question, “How are you feeling?”  I want people to talk to me the way they used to.   I don’t want an illness to define me.

4.  Even when the sky is falling, the sky isn’t falling.  No matter what happens the world keeps on going with or without you.  It’s the way life works

5.  Learn to be your own advocate for your health.  Read, research and reach out to people who have been in your shoes.  I haven’t done much of this, but I hear it helps.  Ask your doctors questions. Push back if something doesn’t seem right and get a second opinion if you feel the need.

6.  Don’t ask yourself the question, “why me?”  It’s a stupid question which serves no purpose.  The reality is it IS happening to you and that’s what matters.  Wondering “why me” led me to pity parties and feeling helpless.  It’s nonsense.

7.  I’m a junkie and if given the opportunity I will eventually abuse pain pills; even when I need them for pain.  I can’t trust myself with pills . Doctors may push them on you to make sure you aren’t in pain.  Some will even tell pain meds are necessary and not taking them will impede your healing.

8.  Going through withdrawal sucks.  I will do almost anything to avoid it.  Including staying on pills when I don’t need them.   It’s a reminder that pills ruin my life and make my ADD and OCD completely unmanageable.

9.  I’ve felt weak and helpless and wanted others to feel the same way.  I’ve taken my anger out on people who don’t deserve it.  Then I feel shame and guilt for acting like an asshole.  Be nice, it’s easier

10.  Be a good friend to others.  Talk to them about what’s going on in their lives.  I want them to feel comfortable talking about their issues and not feel bad because I’m sick.  It’s free therapy to listen to someone else.  Offer advice only if they ask for it.  It’s the best way I know to get out of my own head and stop worrying about my issues.
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Episode 10: Pot Calls Kettle

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Thank you for your support.  Every week our audience is growing, please keep telling your friends!.

For our first show back since Chris’s surgery, we pick up with a story about a past European vacation.  He discusses the inner workings of his roommate during the trip – The Dungeon Master.   We then travel to Chamonix, France where a game of “Who Am I” might be more than KRS bargained for.

ShowerThoughts breaks down the need for new marketing strategies for “Jared” and “Beats by Dre.”  In one of the most raw news segments we’ve recorded, we talk lobby influence of Big Pharma, an emotionally charged story of a friend’s battle with cancer and some choice words to describe Kim Davis.

Meditations takes a look at the Mary Oliver quote “Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness, it took me years to understand this too was a gift.”  The discussion leads to personal experiences where the pain others have caused was later used as a springboard for growth and positive change in our lives.

This is the companion audio to Chris’s blog post: The Dungeon Master and I Have a Dick On My Face, Don’t I?

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Visit our Shop!  Buy our t-shirts designed and inspired by this podcast at MassRoutine.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.

Episode 9: The Squirrel Master

Shout out to our new fans!  We are grateful for every subscriber, please keep telling your friends if you enjoy what we do.

Chris opens the show with a story about his infamous college roommate – The Squirrel Master – a man from southern Maryland with an affinity for chain-smoking Newports and cursing. On an undesirably sober snow day, unfortunate hi-jinx ensues.  We then discuss a recurring theme on the show as KRS partakes in another foolish race against no one.

ShowerThoughts includes how your search history might preclude you from getting a job at Google and elderly people over 100 making up secrets to longevity just to screw with others.  In the news we check a post from Anne Rice discussing censorship in the arts, and the (absurd) militarization of local police forces in the fight against marijuana.  We finish our middle segment with KRS’s thoughts on dating and what’s important when looking for a partner.

We close out with our final segment, Meditations, and a simple quote from Ricky Gervais: “Offense is taken, not given.”  We explore how society has become so easily spun up and offer thoughts on how to purpose your time and energy.  The message is stop being professionally offended.

This is the companion audio to Chris’s blog post: The Squirrel Master and the Pee Snowball

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Visit our Shop!  Buy our t-shirts designed and inspired by this podcast at MassRoutine.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.

Episode 8: Scrub & Pray

(Producers note: shout out to all our new fans, we appreciate every single one of you!  If you want to support the show, tell a friend)

KRS shares his recipe for the worst form of STD protection ever invented:  the ‘scrub and pray’ technique that kept him disease free in college. Well, almost free.  Don’t try this at home.

Our ShowerThoughts segment includes the poorly thought “White Power Ranger” and some consideration for the people who rate porn videos.  In the news, we cover the TSA’s absurd failure rate on weapons detection and KRS recalls a highly suspicious pat down.  We travel to Norway to check in on a serial pooper.  We close out with new DEA leader Chuck Rosenberg and his obscenely bad understanding of drug policy.

Our final segment Meditations opens with a quote from Khalil Gibran.  We discuss taking a personal inventory of your life and examining your strengths and weaknesses.  This forks into a second quote from Machiavelli on the importance of who you surround yourself with.

This is the companion audio to Chris’s blog post: Scrub and Pray

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Visit our Shop!  Buy our t-shirts designed and inspired by this podcast at MassRoutine.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.

The Man I Aspire to Be

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My Pop Pop was the best man I have ever known.  He the was strongest, kindest and most selfless person.  The type of man who didn’t need to demand respect because it was always given to him.  I can rarely finish a sentence about him without tears pouring down my face.

I don’t know as much about his life as I would like.  Unfortunately he was taken from this world at the young age of 58.  He died of Liver Cancer.  I was only 10 at the time.

What I do remember is how much he loved me.  He spoiled me and treated me like I was the most important person on this earth.  I’ve never felt love like he showed me.  To this day he still has a huge impact on my life and I mourn his passing.

Pop Pop had the most amazing, deep, belly laugh.  It was so loud it would fill a room.   His laughing almost always ended with him running out of breath and coughing due to how much he smoked.  I can hear his laugh in my head as I type these words.  Nothing I put on paper to describe it would do it justice.

He smoked like a chimney.  Three packs of Kools a day.  I remember telling him he smoked too much and he should quit.  He never quit, but he cut back to one pack a day after my comment.

He had a sordid past, much like myself.  He was a State Police Officer in his younger days.  He was also an alcoholic who was arrested on several occasions and even ended up in jail.

In his 30’s he joined the Marine Corps during the Vietnam War and became a drill sergeant.  He used this time to turn his life around and became clean and sober.  He educated himself, taking courses to be an addiction counselor.  Eventually getting his degrees and certificates to work in the field.

Working with addicts and alcoholics was his passion.  He understood the message and purpose; paying it forward helping 1000’s of those afflicted with the disease.  He worked diligently in New Jersey, fighting to better the lives of others.  In his obituary a friend described his passion for what he did by saying, “The man just didn’t know how to mince his words when the bottom line issue related to the quality care for and alcoholic in treatment and the ability of the facilities to deliver that care.” (more…)

Pardon My Absence

The last several weeks since my surgery I’ve sat around and felt sorry for myself.  Constantly asking “why me?”  I’ve made myself a victim of circumstances I created.

I chose to play science experiment on my body and pollute myself with everything imaginable for many years.  That was my fault and my doing. I can’t blame anyone else.  Life and the choices we make have a way of catching up to us.  Not everyone will face that reality, but most will.

I’ve wasted my time the last three weeks doing very little to better myself.  Watching reruns and stalking social media.  I looked for every excuse to be miserable and sad instead of looking for opportunity in this tragedy.  I haven’t appreciated all of my friends and family who have reached out, visited and supported me.  I’ve been too concerned about the weight I’ve lost, how I look, and the things I can no longer do.

During this time I’ve had someone close to me break my heart when I felt I needed them the most. Once again that was my fault. I put faith and expectations on a person who could never step up in the role I wanted, because they are no longer capable of being the person I need.  I knew that and brought that pain on myself.  I need to own that instead of letting the anger and disappointment become toxic to my life and recovery.

I’ve thrown the worlds biggest pity party for myself.  I traveled down the path of my opiate addiction.  Abusing the medicine I truly need for my physical pain, in order to numb the mental pain I feel.  I haven’t wanted to accept my circumstances.  I’ve only wanted to escape from my reality.  I know this serves me no purpose other than to drag me down further into a hole of depression, anxiety and sadness.

What I’m facing is scary and causes me to look at my own mortality.  I have liver cancer.  It’s not a death sentence.  But, I know there will be a tough fight ahead of me to beat this.  Staying positive, active and being my own advocate are going to be incredibly important to my recovery.

If I continue to act as I have I will allow this to break me.  I’m better than that and I have faced adversity before.  I want to live and better the world around me.  Not succumb to circumstances because I was a quitter.

If I have learned nothing else from this, I realize I am such a fortunate individual to have so many amazing people in my life who have helped me so much.  I especially want to thank Chris McNichol.  I don’t know how I would have gotten through all this without you.  The time and effort you have put in helping me at Fox Chase, well I don’t even have the words to describe how grateful I am.

I want to thank everyone who’s been there for me.  I know I’ve been a huge pain in the ass.  Thank you for continuing to care and picking me up when I fall down.  I love each and every one of you for your support.  I’m sorry for how I’ve acted up to this point and I promise to pull myself together. I wouldn’t have been able to start climbing my way back up and facing all of this without all of you.  I don’t know that I can ever repay any of you, but I would like to try.

Episode 7: Going Greek with Deacon Jonez

We open with KRS’s predilection towards disturbing pornography and how the browser can’t close fast enough when he’s finished.  This segues into our guest Derek “Deacon Jonez” sharing his experiences in the porn business, adult video award shows in Florida and developing feelings for escorts.

In our second segment, witness one of the most powerful Shower Thoughts we’ve ever recorded.  Deacon comes out of his shell with his thoughts on the statement “there are people in this world that wake up every day and go to work in a factory that makes dildos.”  We finish out with a talk on fetishes and a one arm stripper success story.

After an episode full of darkness we close with a Meditations that’s a bit different than the norm.  This weeks quote by Sigmund Freud: “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not in fact just surrounded by assholes.”

This is the companion audio to Chris’s blog post: Pass The Tissues For A Little DVDA

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Visit our Shop!  Buy our t-shirts designed and inspired by this podcast at MassRoutine.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.