Fiendin For Some Progress


I’m irritable and discontent.  I’ve been sick for the past two weeks.  I’m fighting with myself daily.  I haven’t written, worked or done much of anything during this time.

When I woke up this morning, it appeared today was going to be another in a long stretch of days that went on aimlessly.  Wasting my time until I fell back asleep.

I went to therapy this morning and explained my situation.  I was told to show up at work no matter how I felt and give it my best effort.  I wanted to tell my therapist to fuck off.  I didn’t want to go.  I wanted to rest, hoping it would make me feel better tomorrow.

I spent the first hour at my office reading about the stock market.  I looked at my positions eagerly and felt I needed to make a move.   All I could think about was quickly making the money back that I lost.  This is thought process that keeps me losing money.

I didn’t make any trades.  Instead, I did the absolute last thing I wanted to do today.  I hit the phones to make sales call.  Like most people, this is one of the things I enjoy doing the least.  Actually, I hate the thought of making calls, but the reality is never that bad.

Every time I wanted give up or I got nervous about picking up the phone, I told myself, “One day you will be dead, no one will remember any of this.”  Level setting my fear with the fact that I would die one day made it feel infinitesimal and took away any pressure or fear.  I realized how insignificant hearing no meant.  Nothing catastrophic could happen.

I got my hustle muscle going.   It’s amazing how your worries, discomfort and illness stops when you are moving along, forced to be in the present.  I didn’t have time to focus on any of that nonsense because my mind was on the task at hand.  It felt good to sit in that uncomfortability rather than what was stewing in my mind.

I made a little headway on a couple deals.  Nothing too significant.  But I had a goal I was chasing.  I became determined, driven and full of energy.  .

My day was transformed, as well as my mindset.  I wanted to keep going and doing more. I became almost obsessive about how many calls I made.  I kept telling myself, this is the last one.  I did that for an hour straight before I finally stopped making calls.

I felt a spark and passion for my life.  Reinforcing the fact that doing whats most uncomfortable usually brings about a rush of excitement and stimulation; as long as I go into it without any expectations.

We feel most alive when we are moving forward in a desirable direction.  I’ve said this repeatedly, but I will say it again – Progress equals happiness.  The slightest shift in perspective can have the greatest impact on how we feel.

Tinder Beware


I matched with this girl on Tinder.  I sent her a message saying, “you have great sideboob.”  It was the best thing I could think of.

Normally I don’t read profiles, but something told me I should read her’s.  It was rather aggressive.  She mentioned liking boobs, so I felt my opener was appropriate.

We chatted for a little bit and I gave her my number.

One night I got a text from her telling me she was sick.  We made some inane small talk.  The conversation wasn’t going anywhere.  She lost interest quickly.

I wasn’t nearly as aggressive as I should have been.  I think at one point I even asked if I could do anything for her to make her feel better.  I’m sure her vagina dried up immediately.

About a week ago I noticed she added me as a friend on SnapChat.  When I checked out her snap, the first thing I saw was her dancing around naked.  She captioned the video, “Feed me dicks.” Apparently she’s a porn star.

I became intrigued and I googled her SnapChat username, which happens to be her porn name as well.  Instantly a list of scenes she had acted in, across various genres, appeared.

At first I was relieved nothing happened. Then a wave of sadness hit me.

I started asking myself questions:

Why didn’t I pursue a fun evening with this girl?  She seems like a good time.

Did I miss my window of opportunity?

Should I try to text her again, or possibly message her on SnapChat?

How didn’t I realize she was in porn?

This line of questioning lasted for a day. Then I moved on.  I won’t lie, occasionally I check out her Snaps.   She’s either high, partying or naked.  Which is much more entertaining than most people I follow.

I guess I shouldn’t have been too shocked to find out she did porn.  The “I love Bang Bros” shirt she was wearing in her profile picture should have given it away.


Episode 24: Rock Bands, FBI Raids & The Casino Life

“A successful fake casino can make as much as a very large casino with half of the infrastructure and overhead” – Carlos F.

For the first live podcast of 2016 I interviewed Carlos F., Director of Technical Services for a 3 billion dollar casino organization in Pennsylvania.  He opens up about his life growing up playing in rock bands, the FBI raid that ended his musical career and pawning all equipment for true love.  Carlos sheds light on some common misconceptions about gaming, where he see’s the future of gambling and what its like to hit a slot machine for 50 Grand and make it rain.

During ShowerThoughts we hit:

  • Spanish people who cant speak the language soy milk just stating who they are in Spanish
  • Being a fat guy at McDonald’s is like being the muscle guy at the gym.  People stay our of your way because they know you mean business
  • Maybe the best way to discourage teens from doing drugs would be to have really uncool adults talk about how awesome and fun drugs are
  • Vegans eating foods that taste like meat are like lesbians having sex with a strap on
  • When you cant Netflix and chill there’s always amazon and alcohol
  • Online BDSM communities are one of the only times that getting chained up in someone else’s basements is a positive outcomes
  • My girlfriend leaves so much hair around my house it would be impossible to clear her DNA and prove she was never there

We close out the show with Meditations, discussing a quote from Tara Brach.  “Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns…We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.”


Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog


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