I’m irritable and discontent. I’ve been sick for the past two weeks. I’m fighting with myself daily. I haven’t written, worked or done much of anything during this time.
When I woke up this morning, it appeared today was going to be another in a long stretch of days that went on aimlessly. Wasting my time until I fell back asleep.
I went to therapy this morning and explained my situation. I was told to show up at work no matter how I felt and give it my best effort. I wanted to tell my therapist to fuck off. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to rest, hoping it would make me feel better tomorrow.
I spent the first hour at my office reading about the stock market. I looked at my positions eagerly and felt I needed to make a move. All I could think about was quickly making the money back that I lost. This is thought process that keeps me losing money.
I didn’t make any trades. Instead, I did the absolute last thing I wanted to do today. I hit the phones to make sales call. Like most people, this is one of the things I enjoy doing the least. Actually, I hate the thought of making calls, but the reality is never that bad.
Every time I wanted give up or I got nervous about picking up the phone, I told myself, “One day you will be dead, no one will remember any of this.” Level setting my fear with the fact that I would die one day made it feel infinitesimal and took away any pressure or fear. I realized how insignificant hearing no meant. Nothing catastrophic could happen.
I got my hustle muscle going. It’s amazing how your worries, discomfort and illness stops when you are moving along, forced to be in the present. I didn’t have time to focus on any of that nonsense because my mind was on the task at hand. It felt good to sit in that uncomfortability rather than what was stewing in my mind.
I made a little headway on a couple deals. Nothing too significant. But I had a goal I was chasing. I became determined, driven and full of energy. .
My day was transformed, as well as my mindset. I wanted to keep going and doing more. I became almost obsessive about how many calls I made. I kept telling myself, this is the last one. I did that for an hour straight before I finally stopped making calls.
I felt a spark and passion for my life. Reinforcing the fact that doing whats most uncomfortable usually brings about a rush of excitement and stimulation; as long as I go into it without any expectations.
We feel most alive when we are moving forward in a desirable direction. I’ve said this repeatedly, but I will say it again – Progress equals happiness. The slightest shift in perspective can have the greatest impact on how we feel.