Fuck You Dating World
I’m not so proud to admit this, but when I’m bored, lonely or procrastinating (and I don’t feel like beating off anymore that day), I troll on dating apps. When I feel this way, I’m not actually trying to meet anyone, I just want to feel better about myself or pass time until something more exciting happens in my life. I jump from app to app on my phone – I have 3 or 5, I’m not certain.
I start out looking for girls I find attractive and I swipe right to see if we match . Some days I’m on fire and I match with everyone I’m attracted too. Today wasn’t that day.
I quickly progressed from looking for attractive women to, please, for the love of God will someone fucking match with me before I hate myself. After 10 or so swipes right with no matches on multiple apps, I started looking at the girls a little differently. I examined each girl and all of their pictures, trying to convince myself they were a good choice. I sunk as low as reading their profiles trying to find something attractive about them. I never fucking read profiles, who has time for that? Still no matches.
As I expanded my preferences I lost more and more self-respect. I was so desperate to feel validation and it wasn’t happening. I was Super-Liking, asking girls about their day that had matched with me weeks before. I starving for attention like so many other sad sacks of shit out in the dating world.
Finally, I gave up and swiped right for everyone. I never saw their pictures, I simply swiped. I started counting: 46, 47, 68, 49, are you fucking kidding me? Nothing, not one single match.
I found myself angry at the Apps. Clearly they must have a bug in them. All of them. It’s not me.
This went on for the better part of an hour. I was defeated. I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, so I went into the kitchen and made myself some dinner. The meal consisted of the saddest chicken you have ever seen, some kale I pulled out of the bag and stuffed directly into my mouth, then I washed it all down with a tablespoon of olive oil.
Right now I want to jump right back on my phone. I’m a glutton for punishment. I’d go back to my old flip phone to avoid this, but then how would I watch porn?