There Used to be Hair There

My day started out with such promise. I woke up at 5:15 to meet my friend for an early morning workout and discuss some business.  Then I got myself ready and my dog and I headed to work.

On the way to work I caught the reflection of the back of my head in a mirror and it was soul crushing.  I know I’m going bald, but I didn’t realize it was as severe as it appeared today.  When I’m doing my hair I literally take pictures of the back of my head to see if I got the combover right.  So I know it’s happening, but I feel like the process sped up several years over the past 2 months.  So that set me in a bit of a tailspin, but I kept on moving along with my day.

I got to my office earlier than normal with the hopes of having an amazingly productive day.  I told myself I was going to make a shitload of sales calls and close several deals.  But then I had to deal with a shipment that came in.  I had to go through 500 packages of fucking fidget spinners to see how many were broken in transit from China.  Yes, I’m selling fidget spinners as a new item and yes it saddens me I’ve stooped so low.

After finding 50 broken spinners out of 500, I realized the instructions on the back were written in fucking Turkish.  Sometimes China is just gonna China you and that’s the way it is.

Once I finally got done with that time and energy drain I found out one of our warehouse employees incorrectly counted in several of our new items.  So back to the warehouse I went to correct the issue.  By the time I was done with all this menial bullshit it was 4 o’clock and I was pretty much over today. I felt defeated.

I felt myself wanting to freak out and take shit out on everyone around me.  I started to obsess over why my shirt didn’t feel like it fit me the same way it did 2 weeks ago.  I questioned my diet and told myself how shitty I looked.  I wanted to fight with my business partner because he was taking longer than I felt he should have to get me some information I needed.    Then I went back to worrying about how bald I’m getting again and prayed to the Gods of Propecia to start working soon.

It’s all this dumb shit that weighs us down.  Shit that really won’t matter tomorrow.  Well except for me balding, because how am I supposed to wear my hair and talk to younger girls?  But I find shit that I allow to take the wind out of my sails.  Instead of being a warrior and rolling with the punches, I was choosing to be a little baby bitch who needs to be coddled.

If I look at today, my company actually had a great sales day despite me not taking part.  I had a good workout and was able to spend time with a friend.  I’m able to hang out with my dog all day at work.  I’m healthy.  And I still have some hair left.  I should feel fortunate as fuck for all of that.

I know I’ve said this kind of shit way too often, but I constantly need the reminder. I think most people are wired the same way. We quickly forget about our blessings and gravitate toward our shortcomings and problems.  Life is a cumulative process based on choices, action and perspective.  There’s not much else to it.

Choosing what to pay attention to is what’s important from day to day.  I can let my default setting take over and find fault with everything that I feel is not the way it should be.  Or I can be thankful and happy for all of the good things I have in my life.  It’s really not that difficult. Whatever you look for you will find.

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