Growing up I never wanted the ball in my hand when the game was on the line. I was too afraid to fail. I liked being a part of the supporting cast, I never wanted to be a leader. I wanted people to do the hard work for me.
I was afraid I would fuck up and people would see me in the same light I saw myself; a worthless failure who will never be good enough. Fear of living made me want to die or go to jail so I wouldn’t have to face the reality of actually living life. I was more afraid of living then I was of sitting in a jail cell having people make my decisions for me.
I never took responsibility for changing my own life, I just expected things to happen. The problem was, for many years I got by that way. I floated through life and things just happened for me. Poor behavior reinforced by reward leads to more poor behavior and unrealistic expectations of life.
Thankfully, life caught up with me and I was fortunate enough to experience a lot of pain because of my choices. I had to become accountable and make changes in my life. I can’t stand to think how boring my life would’ve been if everything kept coming easy to me. I would have no character, no experiences to share and no ability to overcome adversity when it struck.
Three years ago, my business partner and I had an idea to launch a discount business-to-consumer website for cell phone accessories. I sourced the products, we got the site set up and in a few months we were finally ready to launch. I expected to do a little advertising and sit back and watch the money pour in. That wasn’t the case.
I spent 6 months or more casually playing with ads on Facebook expecting to rake in hundreds of thousands of dollars without having to do any real work. It’s absolutely insane to think that, but a part of me really thought it would happen. My delusions of grandeur were quickly crushed and reality set in. (more…)