Fuck You Dating World


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I’m not so proud to admit this, but when I’m bored, lonely or procrastinating (and I don’t feel like beating off anymore that day), I troll on dating apps.  When I feel this way, I’m not actually trying to meet anyone, I just want to feel better about myself or pass time until something more exciting happens in my life.   I jump from app to app on my phone – I have 3 or 5, I’m not certain.

I start out looking for girls I find attractive and I swipe right to see if we match .  Some days I’m on fire and I match with everyone I’m attracted too.  Today wasn’t that day.

I quickly progressed from looking for attractive women to, please, for the love of God will someone fucking match with me before I hate myself.  After 10 or so swipes right with no matches on multiple apps, I started looking at the girls a little differently.   I examined each girl and all of their pictures, trying to convince myself they were a good choice.  I sunk as low as reading their profiles trying to find something attractive about them.  I never fucking read profiles, who has time for that?  Still no matches.

As I expanded my preferences I lost more and more self-respect.  I was so desperate to feel validation and it wasn’t happening.  I was Super-Liking, asking girls about their day that had  matched with me weeks before.  I starving for attention like so many other sad sacks of shit out in the dating world.

Finally, I gave up and swiped right for everyone.  I never saw their pictures, I simply swiped.  I started counting: 46, 47, 68, 49, are you fucking kidding me? Nothing, not one single match.

I found myself angry at the Apps.  Clearly they must have a bug in them.  All of them.  It’s not me.

This went on for the better part of an hour.  I was defeated.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, so I went into the kitchen and made myself some dinner.  The meal consisted of the saddest chicken you have ever seen, some kale I pulled out of the bag and stuffed directly into my mouth, then I washed it all down with a tablespoon of olive oil.

Right now I want to jump right back on my phone.  I’m a glutton for punishment.  I’d go back to my old flip phone to avoid this, but then how would I watch porn?


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