Fiendin For Some Progress


I’m irritable and discontent.  I’ve been sick for the past two weeks.  I’m fighting with myself daily.  I haven’t written, worked or done much of anything during this time.

When I woke up this morning, it appeared today was going to be another in a long stretch of days that went on aimlessly.  Wasting my time until I fell back asleep.

I went to therapy this morning and explained my situation.  I was told to show up at work no matter how I felt and give it my best effort.  I wanted to tell my therapist to fuck off.  I didn’t want to go.  I wanted to rest, hoping it would make me feel better tomorrow.

I spent the first hour at my office reading about the stock market.  I looked at my positions eagerly and felt I needed to make a move.   All I could think about was quickly making the money back that I lost.  This is thought process that keeps me losing money.

I didn’t make any trades.  Instead, I did the absolute last thing I wanted to do today.  I hit the phones to make sales call.  Like most people, this is one of the things I enjoy doing the least.  Actually, I hate the thought of making calls, but the reality is never that bad.

Every time I wanted give up or I got nervous about picking up the phone, I told myself, “One day you will be dead, no one will remember any of this.”  Level setting my fear with the fact that I would die one day made it feel infinitesimal and took away any pressure or fear.  I realized how insignificant hearing no meant.  Nothing catastrophic could happen.

I got my hustle muscle going.   It’s amazing how your worries, discomfort and illness stops when you are moving along, forced to be in the present.  I didn’t have time to focus on any of that nonsense because my mind was on the task at hand.  It felt good to sit in that uncomfortability rather than what was stewing in my mind.

I made a little headway on a couple deals.  Nothing too significant.  But I had a goal I was chasing.  I became determined, driven and full of energy.  .

My day was transformed, as well as my mindset.  I wanted to keep going and doing more. I became almost obsessive about how many calls I made.  I kept telling myself, this is the last one.  I did that for an hour straight before I finally stopped making calls.

I felt a spark and passion for my life.  Reinforcing the fact that doing whats most uncomfortable usually brings about a rush of excitement and stimulation; as long as I go into it without any expectations.

We feel most alive when we are moving forward in a desirable direction.  I’ve said this repeatedly, but I will say it again – Progress equals happiness.  The slightest shift in perspective can have the greatest impact on how we feel.

I Want To Be The Drunk Guy Dancing At The Bar


I turned to my friends and said “look at those idiots, I’m so glad we don’t have to do that.”  I ridiculed the guys dancing at the bar, trying so desperately to meet girls.

In reality, most of the those people are out there living life and having fun.  They are the ones who have real courage.  They aren’t afraid to look foolish to people like me.  I sit back and judge, but often I don’t have the balls to be out there doing what they are.

Now I don’t necessarily want to be the drunk guy dancing like a maniac at the bar; even though I have.  However, in my mind, it’s a perfect analogy for people who do exactly what they feel like doing.  They don’t worry about other people’s judgments, they just go for it.  That’s the person I want to be in all aspects of my life.

For the last 10-15 years I was “too cool” to try new things.  I felt I didn’t need to do these activities because they were below someone like me.  It’s insane how I would spin this shit in my head.  The fact is I wasn’t confident in myself.  I feared how other people viewed me.  Deep down I looked up to those who conquered their fears and dance drunk at the bar.  They don’t seem to fear rejection.  They feel they have something to offer and aren’t afraid to prove it.

Years and years of getting what I wanted without having to try very hard put me at a disadvantage.  I missed out on an important skill set for a successful life.  The ability to deal with rejection and failure.

I listen to the voices in my head that tell me I can’t do things.  I’m not good enough or I don’t have the skills.  My mind will come up with any excuse why things won’t work out or why I didn’t really want something in the first place.  This is inner dialogue that wants to trap me and keep my life small.

Today I fear taking little risks like talking to strangers, starting new businesses, approaching a girl.  When I put that into perspective of how I have lived my life for the last 20 years it’s insane.  If I fail at talking to a girl, she tells me no and I feel a little embarrassed.  If I fail with a company, I may lose money and set myself back financially.  If I failed in my old lifestyle, I would have easily ended up doing 5-10 years in jail.  To a normal, well adjusted adult this equation doesn’t add up.

For the longest time I rarely second guessed what I was doing.  I knew the consequences of my actions, as well as the repercussions that came along with my choices.  But, it seemed worth it somehow.  Part of me felt I didn’t have anything to lose at the time.  I became a victim of my own circumstances.  I convinced myself this was how I wanted to live my life.  Don’t get me wrong, at times I was scared for my freedom and there were many sleepless night.

Normal, healthy risks in life scare the shit out of me.  I create irrational thought processes in my head based on fear.  Even when there is no evidence anything horrible will happen.  To quote Jamie Foxx, “on the other side of fear there is nothing.”  There is no definite outcomes in life, only what we can create.

Doing the same thing every day is my nightmare – A fate worse than death.  Turning today into an experiment makes life exciting.  What can accomplish and how can I make progress?  Answering those questions makes my life worth living.  If I’m lucky (I use that word in loosest sense) things may even go my way.  I will taste success that day.

When I try something new I build confidence in who I am and what I can endure.  I reinforce the lesson that pain and rejection won’t kill me.  I can’t dwell on the past or worry about the future because my mind is forced to be present and focused on what is occurring this very second.   That’s what being alive is about; living right now.  Nothing can every happen in the past or the future, because all there is is now.

Quieting the noise that goes on in our mind’s establishes mental freedom.  Tune those voices out and see how much better your life becomes.  Go out, get hammered and dance your ass off to whatever song you choose.