Who do you go to when you need advice? It seems like so many of my friends come to me when they have an issue they need help with. Hell, I give out amazing advice if I do say so myself. I’m an idea man. It’s just what I do. Sometimes I’m even shocked by my incredible advice when I hear it coming out of my mouth.
This is especially true when it comes to personal and relationship advice. I used to look at this as a form of flattery. I’m a pretty resourceful and intelligent guy. Also, I’m caring, compassionate and easy to talk to. Why wouldn’t people want my advice?
Those factors all play a part of why my friends come to me for advice. But the truth of the matter is that they don’t come to me for advice because I’m such a great guy with an uncanny intellect. Its because I have fucked up so much in my life and they know it.
It’s easier to share your problems with someone you know has, or had, much worse issues in their life. Particularly when the majority of that person’s hardships have been self-imposed.
People talk to me all the time about their relationships and ask for advice. It’s crazy when I think about it. These same individuals know damn well that my intimate relationships to this point in my life have been total trainwrecks. I have never had a truly healthy and stable relationship with a woman I was dating. But yet such a large majority of my friends come to me for dating advice.
I can certainly tell them where I went wrong with my relationships and what I could have done differently. Sometimes that can be helpful to them by putting things in perspective. It may add insight into what they could do differently to be happy or make their partner happy. But at times I feel like coming to me for relationship advice is like asking Mother Theresa how to give a blowjob. I can give you my best guess, but I’m probably not the most qualified person you could talk to.
Quite often, I don’t think that most people even want my advice. They just want to be able to vent to someone who has experienced worse. I’m guilty of this as well. When I talk to someone I am able to relate with it makes me feel less alone. Less like an outcast or a freak.
Knowing that someone can empathize with what I am going through is comforting. I certainly wouldn’t want to talk to someone who has always gotten everything right in their life. Their story wouldn’t ring true to me. It would make me feel worse and more so like they could never understand what I am feeling.
Failure is part of the human condition. It’s something that usually needs to occur so that we can change and grow. Life is all about experiences. Making mistakes is a big part of that story. Its funny that when people see that you have failed so often they still are more likely to come to you for advice.
Now, most people can’t follow good advice. These are the Askholes. They continually ask, but they never implement the advice they are given. They fail because the continue to do what they have always done. Like the saying goes “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” But that’s a different post for another day.