I’m wearing my tinfoil hat as I write this post. You may want to break out yours too.
Over the last six weeks my mindset has changed greatly. I believe in the Law of Attraction. What you think about you bring about. I’ve focused on fear and negativity, which caused me to make poor decisions repeatedly. Everything I touched turned to shit. Even my dog has been keeping her distance from me.
My insecurities are overflowing and spilling out into all areas of my world. The universe is taking from me. I want to quit, cash in my chips, get a job with a steady paycheck and give up on my dreams.
I’m afraid. Afraid I will fail and go broke, never reaching my goals. Essentially, turning into my father. That’s the scariest thought of all.
My OCD kicks in like crazy at times like this. I want to sit around and obsess over everything that has gone wrong. painstakingly revisit every mistake I made and allow my inner dialogue to tell me what I should have done. It’s like having a wound I need to keep touching to make sure it still hurts.
I haven’t been taking care of myself and doing the things I love. When I write I feel like I ‘m complaining about my problems. Everyone has enough of their own problems, no one needs to read about mine.
I look back at what changed over the last six weeks and one thing stands out screaming right in my face. My ex girlfriend and I started talking and seeing each other again. Since we started to speaking the following transpired:
- My dog broke her femur and had major reconstructive surgery to repair her leg. The surgery cost over $6,000. Thankfully shes healing up great.
- My dog had to have a mast cell tumor removed
- I’ve let myself go physically. I haven’t been eating or exercising properly. Some of this is related to health issues
- I’ve lost $25k (on paper) in the stock market.
- I have developed some sort of Autoimmune disease. I find out more this week.
- I found out last week I need a rather invasive surgery to remove a tumor from my liver.