Scrub and Pray
As I raced naked into the bathroom with my spray bottle full of alcohol, the regret started to set in. I just had unprotected sex with whatever her name happened to be on that current night. The afterthoughts of who she was and what she might have started to set in. But I had a plan in place to keep me safe.
Spraying my balls and shaft heavily with alcohol. Scrubbing the area really well with a towel. Then I would go in for the most painful, but most important part. Opening up my peehole and spraying the alcohol directly inside. That familiar burn that gave me a nice, false sense of safety and security. Certainly any disease couldn’t live past my thorough spraying. Alcohol kills everything. Right?
The difficult times were when I went back to the girls house and didn’t have my set up ready to roll. I would be ripping through their bathroom cabinets looking for rubbing alcohol. Tearing the place apart until I found something I could clean my dick with.
Occasionally I had to improvise and use witch hazel or Dial soap. I am not sure how well they worked, but I gave it the college try. I’ve been caught looking for these products and tried to explain my process. This always made for extremely fun and uncomfortable post sex conversation.
After the scrubbing came the foxhole prayers. I would get down on my knees in the bathroom and make a pact with God to never have unprotected sex again if he let me get through this last episode unscathed. I would offer to do some good act as penance for my actions. I’d think “Just keep me from getting VD and I will make sure to be a good human being from this point on.” There were several occasions I was pretty sure I was fucked with something incurable.
My friends and I would joke about this method. Many of them subscribed to the same idea. One time my foolproof plan failed me. I got the clap. I’m not really sure who gave it to me. However, what I do know is I gave it to 2-3 other girls because I was a giant asshole. Then I went and got Cipro to clear it up.
One drunken night I stumbled back to one of the girls houses I had shared my gift with and slept with her again. Jokes on Me! I stole the clap right the fuck back from her. Back to the doctor for my second course of Cipro.