The Squirrel Master and the Pee Snowball
Back in college I was your friendly neighborhood dopeman (This becomes important later in the story). I was always resourceful when it came to making money the wrong ways.
The college was in a shitty little town in PA. The majority of off campus students lived a few blocks behind the school. Kids were always walking up and down the street and hanging out drinking on each others porches. It was a small school so pretty much everyone knew each other.
Snow days were always the most fun in college. Snow = no class = total fucking shit show. When we would hear about snow coming we would stockpile booze and drugs for the next day. It was like Christmas. Sort of. We would start drinking when we got up. Then we would head to the main bar, which was a block from my house, for shitty food and more booze.
Students ran the bar, so on snow days it would open early. Everyone would flock there by 12-1 in the afternoon. The funniest thing is everyone bitched about the bar, saying how much they hated going there. But every weekend it would be packed with all those same people. There really wasn’t anywhere else to go honestly.
This snow day in particular ended up being little more special than usual. My roommates and I got up, ate and started to drink. I made sure to eat right away. As soon as that meal was done I was doing my first ripper. Eating after that became much more difficult.
The Squirrel Master and my other roommate hit me up for a bag early. Within 45 minutes they had ripped right through it. I knew with how hard everyone was drinking and partying they would want more really soon.
About 30 minutes after they finished their first bag the Squirrel Master came looking for another half gram. The only issue is he had no money. Now, I was huge asshole in college. I liked making people do shit for my entertainment. I had the two key ingredients to make that dream a reality in college. Coke and money.
The Squirrel Master really wanted a bag. I knew he wanted it bad enough to do something really fucked up for my enjoyment. I told him I would figure out a way for us to barter. Ideas went back and forth in my head, but nothing seemed worthwhile. Then I walked outside and saw a guy walking his dog and it hit me. I ran back inside and told him I would gladly give him the bag if he ate a pee snowball. Without blinking he agreed. I decided this was going to be so much fun that I went and invited the neighbors to come watch.
I walked outside and packed a cup full of snow. I pulled out my dick and pissed on the snow just like you would if you were pouring syrup over a snow cone. Everyone was outside waiting with anticipation to see if he would go through with this. I walked over to him and poured the yellow snowball into his tiny little cupped hands.
Without hesitations he took the first big bite. Everyone watching was gagging, laughing and running around. As soon as he swallowed the first bite he gagged and spit it up everywhere. That didn’t stop him though. He was determined to chow down and get his prize. People were begging him not to finish. They were offering to give him the money for the bag if he to stopped. Every bite he chomped down he gagged and spit right back up until he was finished.
By the time he was done most people had stopped watching. I guess it was just too much for most people to handle. He came up to me with biggest grin on his face and put his hand out in front of me. It was his way of saying “fuck you pay me.” He stepped up and met the challenge. I don’t really remember too much else about that day. But, the Squirrel Masters feat of strength showed his will. College was the fucking best.