Month: February 2015

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1 Night in Amsterdam + 1 Cialis = 14 Prostitutes

smiling_bob

Walking into the Red Light District felt like Disney World for degenerates. I couldn’t have been more excited.   I handed my new found Australian friends; Mike and Joe, a liter of Amstel and a Cialis.  We had meet (they were brothers) a couple hours earlier, but a few joints and beers later we were like old pals.

We continued to drink and as I got more polluted I came up with, what I thought, was a great idea.  I made up a competition to see who could have sex with the most prostitutes in one night.  When I presented them with my idea they looked at me and laughed.  I took this as a yes.

Joe was the first to take part in my game. He saw an attractive women in the window.  I could tell he was a little nervous about what he was about to do.  He looked at me with a little smile and said ” I don’t really know if want to spend the money because I cum prematurely mate”.  His brother and I laughed at him until the peer pressure was enough that he agreed to partake in the game.

I cracked a fresh liter of beer as he went into the house.  Mike and I stood outside on the street drinking and talking.  I hadn’t even finished half of my beer when Joe walked out  with his head down.  He was in the house for less than 3 minutes total and had already finished.  His brother and I couldn’t stop laughing at him.

The majority of the events over the next 10-12 hours are a bit blurry for me.  But, there are some part I remember clearly, like my trip to Skinny Alley.  Skinny Alley is exactly what It sounds like.  It was an alley in the Red Light District with barely enough room for people to walk single file in either direction.  Every 12-15 feet there was a doorway with a prostitute standing in it.

As I passed a door I felt a hand grab me and pull me inside a dark room.  When the lights went on I saw one of the most beautiful women I have ever encountered standing in front of me.  She was Portuguese and perfect; other than being a prostitute of course.  She offered me some coke, which I thought was awful nice of her.  Then she said “for you we can do this for 25 Euros.”  That’s less than taking a date out to dinner at a low end restaurant.  I’m not one to pass up a great deal. Free drugs and inexpensive sex with this Portuguese Goddess.  I felt like I was taking advantage of her.

After we had our fun, we did a little more coke and had a couple drinks.  We made small talk.  She asked about my life in the US and said she always want to travel to America.  At one point she hinted at the possibility of coming to visit me.  I took that as my cue to leave.  I gave her my E-mail address and said goodbye.

On my way out, I took a pen from her room and made a mark on my hand.  This was how I kept score for the competition.  It was like tallying votes on a chalk board as a child.

As it turns out, I was the only one competing.  The brothers were long gone. I stumbled around the Red Light District, making mark after mark on my hand.  At one point one of the prostitutes tried to dose me with GHB.  I’m not sure what she had planned for me; but I’m pretty sure it looked something like the movie Hostel.

As the night progressed I became less and less selective with my purchases.  It was a sheer numbers game for me at this point.  There was a very angry and rather large black chick who stole $20 from me.  She gave me a lackluster handjob, which she didn’t even finish.  I had sex with a couple of chicks way past their prime.  Overall, the quantity game caused me to have buyers remorse often.

The sun was starting to come up.  When I looked at my watch I realized I had to be back at my hotel and ready to leave on the bus in less than two hours.  I had no idea where I was in correlation to the hotel.  As I flagged down a taxi a guy bumped into me and tried to grab my Rolex off my wrist.   Thankfully I still had the capacity to defend myself even in my stupor.  I shrugged it off and jumped into the taxi.

Upon arriving at the hotel I went to my room, packed up all my items and headed down to the lobby.  I knew if I went to bed I wouldn’t wake up in time to make the bus and would be left behind. The next thing I remember the tour guide was shaking me to wake me up and asking if I was OK.  I was covered in sweat, sleeping on my suitcase in front of the whole tour group.

I could feel the very judgmental eyes of my fellow travelers burning into my soul.  Joe and Mike were laughing at me and making jokes.  I reached into my pocket to find I had spent about 800 Euros that night.  Then, I looked down at my hand and counted the 14 marks.  I proudly showed the brothers what I had accomplished and claimed victory.

As a side note, I learned that a blue light at a house means they are a dude dressed up as a woman.  Be careful.  I almost found this out the hard way.  No pun intended

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Get in Shape Anywhere in Less than 20 Minutes – Bodyweight Complex Training on the Go

Anti-Gym

If you can’t make it to the gym, or you just aren’t a “gym person,” but you want a killer total body workout check out what I have created below.  These are exercises you will perform one after the other in sequence.  Taking 10-20 seconds rest between each exercise.  One full round of this exercise complex is call a “wave”.  After one full complex wave take 45-75 seconds rest and repeat the complex 1-3 more times.

Once you are done with your sets of Complex 1 then perform Complex 2.  Do this program 3 times per week.  It should take you less than 20 minutes to complete.  These exercises should all be performed in a slow, controlled manner in order to really engage and feel the muscle being worked (Unless it’s noted to explode and work on speed as some exercise are below).  I added Youtube links for the different exercises to show you how the exercises should be performed if you are unfamiliar with them.

Complex 1

  1. Plyo-Push up – 6-15 reps depending on your strength level http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYU5MeZ1Xco
  2. Pull ups – reps to failure
  3. Lunges – 10 reps on each leg Get a nice deep and controlled lunge.  Slowly drop yourself down and squeeze your glutes way thighs on the way up to fully engage the muscles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33ZeWaJwmg0
  4. Pike Push- ups – 10-15 reps. Depending on the angle you can work with more or less of your bodyweight.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sposDXWEB0A
  5. Planks – hold for 30-45 seconds http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSHjTRCQxIw
  6. V-ups – 15-25 reps http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iP2fjvG0g3w

Complex 2

  1. Jump Squats – 10-15 reps.  Really explode of the bottom and jump as high as possible do not pause at the bottom you want to work on exploding and working on the Stretch Reflex.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utQShuge6Vk
  2. Inverted rows – 10-12 reps. Depending on the angle you can work with more or less of your bodyweight.  You would set up the pull up bar lower to the ground to perform this exercise http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cnXBP1bUSU
  3. Close Grip Push Ups – 10-15 reps. Really focus on contracting and squeezing your chest and triceps at the top of the movement.  Hold the contraction at the top of the movement on every rep for 2 seconds to really activate the muscles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4lnOrykocg
  4. YTI’s – 10-12 reps. This may not look like much of an exercise but if you really squeeze and contract your shoulders at each level of the movement (the Y, the T, the L) it really burns http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvLm_llzkCE  Do them the way she does them at 54 seconds into the clip in progression Y,T, I that’s one rep
  5. Glute bridges – Excellent core and glute exercise. Make sure you keep your weight on your heels and Really squeeze your glutes at the top of the movement and hold for 2 seconds each rep http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwNP1Ure28Q  You should feel this in your core and your glutes NOT in your back.
  6. Mountain Climbers – 30-45 seconds . I want you to really dig hard on these and get as many reps in as you can in that 30-45 second timeframe http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RA9Xhv2ktgw
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Crawling Out of My Skin Today With My Therapist

During my usual Tuesday at 12 therapy session I became agitated and squirrely.  I could feel the tension and anxiety building in my chest hands, and feet.  I wasn’t talking about a touchy subject, but I felt I was going to burst.  I could feel overwhelming nervous energy bubbling up and festering inside of me.

I stopped what we were doing and I told my therapist what I was feeling.  He looked at me pan faced and said “let’s go into it.”  I wasn’t sure what he meant.  Normally when he says things like that I start shutting down: I become uncomfortable and unsure how to process what I am being told.  I thought he meant we would be “healing the inner child” like Carl Jung’s approach, and I struggle with that.

However, this was more of a mindful-awareness exercise.  He reminded me that this was like being in the gym, putting in the reps to build my emotional muscles.  My instructions were to sit and recognize where these uncomfortable feelings were emanating from.  As soon as I began to focus on what he had told me, all of the tightness and discomfort shot right into my jaw.  It was like a vice grip tightening down.  It became so intense I was unsure if I would be able to speak.

As I sat there feeling the discomfort in my jaw my therapist watched my behavior.   I started moving my jaw around and opening my mouth wide in hopes of making the tightness dissipate.   He quickly reminded me not to try to control the feeling or to try to make it go away.  He repeated “just go into it.  Allow yourself to feel what is going on in your body.”

After a few minutes of paying attention to my uncomfortable feelings they started to subside.  My mind and body felt relaxed; I could think straight and talk about what had occurred.  My jaw no longer felt like I was in the Camel Clutch (below is a video depiction of how I felt, in case you don’t know what that is).

My therapist likened this exercise to having an itch and not scratching it.  I’m a guy with a lot of proverbial itches to scratch and he knows that, so the analogy fit well.  If you just allow the feeling to pass the itch will eventually go away.  You do not have to scratch it.  The itch may be extremely uncomfortable, but it can’t hurt you and won’t kill you.

This was an invaluable experiment for me.  It was a very simple but effect exercise showing me I can handle the discomfort of my thoughts and feelings if I simply accept them for what they are and allow myself time to process them.  The same “muscles” I used in his office I can apply to the rest of my life.  If for some reason the feelings start to overwhelm me I can change the channel mentally and focus on something else.  I don’t have to use exogenous sources to numb my feelings and stuff them down inside of me.  Which I did all to often in the past.

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My Roommate in Europe, The Dungeon Master

Ten years ago I took a bus tour through Europe.  Friends of mine were supposed to join me, but they all backed out.  I flew to Europe alone to meet the people I would spend the next two weeks traveling with. The tour started in Amsterdam.  Which meant bad news for making a first impression on my fellow travelers.

The first day in Amsterdam we all met at our hotel.  We were introduced to our tour guide and our roommates. The tour guide explained the trip and the ground rules.  The main rule we had to know was the bus would leave each city at a certain time and place.  If you were not there on time they would leave without you.  It actually happened to several people.  It almost happened to me.

Most people had roommates they knew because they booked the trip with them.  I on the other hand was roomed up with a shy, awkward, creepy Canadian who I called “The Dungeon Master.”   I don’t recall his real name, but the moniker I gave him seemed to fit.  I pictured him living in his parents basement, dressing up, playing Dungeons and Dragons, while hurting small animals.  Eventually, everyone on the trip referred to him as The Dungeon Master.

He never said a whole lot.  I tried to be friendly, but I can be a bit overwhelming.  Minutes after meeting me for the first time, I started a conversation about drinking, smoking weed at the coffee houses and having sex with hookers in the Red Light District.  I was 25 at the time and in Amsterdam so It seemed like pretty normal conversation for the circumstances.  I guess I didn’t gauge his personality quite right.

The Dungeon Master wasn’t a huge fan of mine.  As a matter of fact, he expressed his hatred for me and my antics to anyone who would listen.  He even went as far as to proposition several people about trying to trade me as a roommate.  Unfortunately for him, no one else wanted to deal with me either.

On the last night of the trip the Dungeon Master let loose and got hammer-time drunk.  Two girls we were traveling with thought his behavior was so funny they filmed him.  They started up a conversation by asking him questions about his experience on the trip .  He went off on a tirade ripping into me and telling the girls how horrible it was to be my roommate.  He said having to room with me felt like torture.

Then out of nowhere he switched tracks and dropped a bomb on them.  He went into intimate detail discussing how he had gotten double teamed by a couple of dudes in Amsterdam.  It turned out The Dungeon Master was gay.  He came out of the closet, on film, for the first time.   His hatred for me combined with too much alcohol, allowed him to share his biggest secret with the world.

 

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Maybe I’ve Just Looked At It All Wrong

PERCEPTION

Single at 35, unsure about a career, living off my savings in a small apartment I rent with the only thing that loves me unconditionally, my dog.  I look at my life and feel like I am a failure.  I should own my own house, I can certainly afford it.  I should settle down, have a relationship and a family.  Live a more “normal” life.

People often tell me I need to put roots down and create a life somewhere.  But what if that’s not the path for me right now?  I have no urge to own my own house.  I only want a house because I am embarrassed by the fact I don’t own one at my age.  I’m embarrassed by how I choose to live even though I have the means to live much better.

I put all these outward expectations on myself.  I don’t live the life I envisioned I would at 35.  People probably look down on me and my behavior.  Wondering when I will pull my life together and “grow up.”  I beat the shit out of myself mentally and emotionally.  I have so much guilt and shame from my past and it spills over into how I judge my life today.

These past 5-6 months have been very difficult for me.  I lost my relationship with my girlfriend, her son and the life I thought I was going to live.  I am unhappy with my career choices.  I’m not making the type of money I am accustomed to.  Life has drastically changed in many ways.

During this time I have struggled with depression to the point that I have contemplated suicide on more than one occasion.  I have told myself that how I am living is unacceptable.  But why?  Who’s rules have I been living my life by?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve fucked up a lot.  I have put life off for longer than I should.  Maybe I have Peter Pan Syndrome.  I’ve missed out on a lot of great opportunities and relationships in my life because of my choices.  However, those same choices are whats driving me to change my life for the better.

Fear is the driving force behind all my negative thoughts about my life.  Fear that I will never find someone to share my life with.  Fear that I will never have a family.  Fear that I wont be able to find success in the legitimate world.  Fear that I will end up like my father.  Fear that I will settle for a life less than I am capable of living.  Fear of making mistakes.  Fear of failure.  It’s this illusion of fear that I have allowed to run my life and keep me from living the life I deserve. (more…)

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Peri-Workout Nutrition

Peri-workout nutrition is a fancy term that encompasses what you eat before, during and after training.  After rather extensive amount of reading and experimenting with this subject I have realized how incredibly important this is to my training and recovery.  Getting this protocol right for me has drastically changed my body composition.  The right peri-workout nutrition has allowed me to increase my training volume and intensity without becoming overwhelmingly sore.  Decreased recovery time means I can train more frequently.

Since I no longer using any PEDs, my nutrition and the manner in which I train have to be dialed in much more to get the results I want.  I am a firm believer that hypertrophy can be maximized with proper form, increased volume, time under tension and the use of extended sets.  These training principles that have changed my body since becoming natural.  To optimize hypertrophy I need to make sure I am feeding my body in a manner that will allow it to grow.

My peri-workout nutrition Protocol looks like this:

Pre-workout –  about 45 minutes before my workout I will consume a small meal of easily digestible protein, carbohydrates and fats (medium chain triglycerides) .  I almost always make a shake for this meal.  I lift in the morning so this is what I eat upon waking.  The shake consists of 40-50g of Hydrolyzed Whey protein, 1/2 cup of oats, and a Tbsp. of coconut oil.  This primes my body for my workout

Intra workout – I believe fueling my body during the workout may be the most important piece of the puzzle for me.  Since adding nutrition intra-workout I have been able to train longer and with more intensity.  My intra-workout shake contains fast acting proteins, carbs as well as BCAA’s.  I use 25g of Hydrolyzed Whey protein, 25-50g of High Branched Cyclic Dextrin, 5g of creatine, 10g of BCAA’s and 5g of L-Leucine.  This combination gives my body the building blocks it needs for hypertrophy.

Post Workout – I prefer a whole meal post workout.  I consume this meal about 30 minutes after I have finished training.  I had good nutrition during my workout so I don’t feel the need to rush to slam another shake or choke down a meal as soon as I leave the gym.  Normally I eat 7-8 oz lean grass fed beef, with 2 servings of Basmati Rice.  Sometimes I will eat 8 oz of chicken or grass fed steak for protein a large sweet potato for my carb source.  I shoot for about 50g of protein and 60-75g of carbs for this meal.

I will eat again about 90 minutes after my workout.  This meal consists of 40-50g lean protein, 30-40g of carbs and 15g of fats.  For example, 7-8 oz of chicken, a sweet potato with a Tbsp. of grass fed Butter.  I believe in carb partitioning.  This means I take in the majority of my carbs (70-80%) for the day around the time I train.  Nutrient timing has been very important for me.  It has allowed me stay lean while building mass and improving my recovery time.

If you would like to read more about the science and theory behind these peri-workout principles I would highly recommend checking out the following sites.  They are experts on this subject and can convey it in an easily digestible manner.

 

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Scrub and Pray

DSC00627

As I raced naked into the bathroom with my spray bottle full of alcohol, the regret started to set in. I just had unprotected sex with whatever her name happened to be on that current night.  The afterthoughts of who she was and what she might have started to set in.  But I had a plan in place to keep me safe.

Spraying my balls and shaft heavily with alcohol.  Scrubbing the area really well with a towel.  Then I would go in for the most painful, but most important part.  Opening up my peehole and spraying the alcohol directly inside.  That familiar burn that gave me a nice, false sense of safety and security.  Certainly any disease couldn’t live past my thorough spraying.  Alcohol kills everything.  Right?

The difficult times were when I went back to the girls house and didn’t have my set up ready to roll.  I would be ripping through their bathroom cabinets looking for rubbing alcohol.  Tearing the place apart until I found something I could clean my dick with.

Occasionally I had to improvise and use witch hazel or Dial soap.  I am not sure how well they worked, but I gave it the college try.  I’ve been caught looking for these products and tried to explain my process.  This always made for extremely fun and uncomfortable post sex conversation.

After the scrubbing came the foxhole prayers.  I would get down on my knees in the bathroom and make a pact with God to never have unprotected sex again if he let me get through this last episode unscathed.  I would offer to do some good act as penance for my actions.  I’d think “Just keep me from getting VD and I will make sure to be a good human being from this point on.”  There were several occasions I was pretty sure I was fucked with something incurable.

My friends and I would joke about this method.  Many of them subscribed to the same idea.  One time my foolproof plan failed me.  I got the clap.  I’m not really sure who gave it to me.  However, what I do know is I gave it to 2-3 other girls because I was a giant asshole.  Then I went and got Cipro to clear it up.

One drunken night I stumbled back to one of the girls houses I had shared my gift with and slept with her again.  Jokes on Me!  I stole the clap right the fuck back from her.  Back to the doctor for my second course of Cipro.

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When I Just Don’t Have The Words

Some days I can sit down and the words and emotions flow like Natty Light at a frat keg party.  I can express exactly what I am feeling and thinking.  I’m in a state of flow.  Its a an amazing rush.  I feel like Arnold in Pumping Iron.  “Im cuming all day and night” 

Then there are days like today.  I feel like I’m beating my coked up dick with sandpaper.  No matter how hard I try I’m going to end up with half a chubby that’s really chaffed and sore.  I have a lot inside of me that I want to say, but the words just seem to escape me.

I have a vision in my mind of how my writing should look.  Being hopeful my words can help others .  Putting my stories and thoughts out for those who can related and are struggling to find their way.  My goal is to create pieces of art that cause others to become interested in their own lives.  To help them start experimenting with what works and what doesn’t.  I strive to build a successful life to show others that if someone like me can do it anyone can.  “Each one teach one.”  Everyone has some gift they can and should share with the world.

Creativity has been a struggle throughout most of my life.  Always wanting someone to give me direction on what to do with my life.  Having a them lay out a solid game plan and show me the end goal.  The majority of my hesitation stems form fear of trying something new and looking like a fool to others.  I have struggled to be a leader.  Writing allows me that creative outlet where I can take the risks.  I can bare my soul in a cathartic way that forces me to face my fears.  Writing builds leadership quality because only I can create with the words that are in my mind.  There is no one to tell me what or how to write.

For me, its important to push forward and create when I don’t feel like it.  Complacency and laziness haunt me at times.   Im just getting back into writing so I need the reps and the practice.  Many times I just vomit utter shit onto my computer screen that seemed like an amazing idea when I started.  But I learn and I grow from the exercise.  Even if what I produce may not make it onto my blog its never wasted effort.  Writing always serve some purpose for my life at the time.  It could be as simple as forcing me to get out of my head, or it could help me work through some of my deep seeded shit that brings me down.

I get to say some real shit that people may judge me for.  Friends, family members, business partner, acquaintances may all view at me a little differently after hearing my story.  The ability to be genuine and authentic is what touches and inspires others.  I want my readers to feel my joy and pain.  People will hopefully laugh or cringe at the dumb shit I’ve done and feel better about themselves.   If Anything I have experienced and shared helps the life of others I consider it a success.

 

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What I learned Last Night at the Casino

Last night I got the itch.  I was bored, no one wanted to go out and I needed to get out of the house for a bit.  I decided to take a trip to the casino.  The delusions of grandeur started flowing in my head.  I saw me there spending an action packed night of meeting new people, laughing and watching the money roll in.  Now, from my experience, the odds of my night going that route were about as likely as Klansman finding a date on blackpeoplemeet.com.  But, I went into it with a positive attitude and was ready to play some blackjack.  Don’t get me wrong I have won big before, but its been awhile.

I scoped the place out for a few minutes until I found a table I felt comfortable with.  I sat down, threw out a grand and was ready to play.  Most the night I was up and down small amounts.  I couldn’t really get traction one way or the other.  I decided to change tables.  Once I got to the new table it was all over very quickly.  I played to win, made all the right calls.  The cards just didn’t fall my way this night.  As usual the house won.  I should have just walked up to the dealer, handed him my chips, told him to kick me in the balls and been on my way.  It would have saved me some time

Normally I would be the typical loser in the casino and done one of two things.  Either I would have pulled out more money and kept losing, or I would have continuously replayed those hands over and over in my head.  Making judgment calls on what I should have done.  I would have made myself completely miserable thinking about how I should have played.  The mental and emotional hangover would have probably lasted for a couple days.  I would have shamed myself for being so stupid and wasteful with my money.  Those thoughts would have snowballed from money worries to my ex, I’m not in the shape I want to be, all the way to why I’m not where I want to be in life and just kept going.  The negativity would compound and spiral out of control quickly for two maybe three days.  All over my decision to gamble that cost me to lose a $1000.  Which a friend of mine made me feel worse about when I told him how much I lost.   He responded “You lost what my 60 hour work week makes me before taxes.”  I could have gone without hearing that.

Im not a rich man by any means, so that money could have been spent in much better ways.  The thing is its the past.  Its done and can’t be changed and I have accepted that.  That may not seem like a whole lot to some people, but for someone like me that is HUGE.  I am starting to be able to make mistakes without shaming myself.  I don’t have to place a negative value on myself because I had a little set back.  Just because I lost last night doesn’t prove my life is a constant failure.  In the past I would have allowed myself to see things that way.

Losing that money turned out to be an investment in my mental health.  Im not saying it was the best value for the investment.  Losing $100 and feeling this way would have been much better.  For someone who obsesses and allows those obsessions to turn into much larger issues I feel like this is a pretty big step in the right direction for me.  Learning how to deal with mistakes and failure without the toxic shame.  Also, I will probably stay away from the casino for awhile too.  It’s been making me its bitch for a couple months now.

 

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Dealing with Crippling Anxiety and Fear This Morning

I went to bed last night feeling well and free looking for to the day ahead, but my mind and my dreams had other plans.  I woke up in a mental prison.   I was covered in sweat feeling like the flu hit me.  It wasn’t the flu that had me paralyzed to the point I couldn’t get out of bed.  It was my mind. My fear and anxiety crippled me.  I was pretty sure the day was over before it began.  The Struggles with my life I have been facing had apparently snowballed overnight.  They all flooded me at once.  It was too much.  Thoughts were racing through my head about my business, my life, my ex.  Thoughts of how the stress is eating up my muscle causing me to lose weight and get ill.  The stress is causing my already thin head of hair to fall out quicker.  Over and over again the same thing replayed in my head.  I’m lost and I’m not making progress!

After about 90 minutes of laying in my bed, tossing back and forth, I decided I had to get up and drink my morning shake.   As soon as I swallowed the last gulp I stormed back into the safety of my bed.  I cuddled with my dog for a little bit.  Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and I got up and sat on the couch.  My hands and body were trembling.  It was as if I had done too much speed.  My brain was causing the rest of my body to get totally out of whack.  I knew I had to take action an do something to get out of my head.

The first step was to try the mindful awareness app that had been sitting unused on my phone for months. My therapist had recommended it as a way to  to help center myself.  The app made a slight difference, calming my breathing and allowing me feel the spots where the anxiety was resonating from.  It wasn’t enough to get me off the couch.

Next I went to YouTube and looked up motivational videos.  I watch a few until something clicked.  This video spoke to me for some reason.  I played it repeatedly until I worked up enough energy to take a shower and head to the gym.  I literally listened to this video for the better part of two hours.  The strength I found in the words I heard got me out my house and through my workout.

The most impactful part of the video for me was when they discussed “yet.”  The speaker talked about how people put in the effort and they keep pushing and pushing, but they aren’t getting to where they see others or where they want to be.  They are giving it there all and putting everything they have into their life but it just hasn’t happened “yet.”  That three letter word, yet, gave me hope.  It fueled a fire inside of me to do my best with what I had today.

On many days like this I would look at how late it had gotten before I got out of bed and given up on the day.  Before the day had even started I would have looked at it at a failure.  I would tell myself tomorrow would be better.  Then I realized all was ok.  There was still plenty of time in the day to make it great.  I can still accomplish and build today.  there is no reason to trade today in and take a mulligan. I Forgave myself for feeling defeated.  In my head I made the choice to make the best day I was capable of.

This morning allowed me to revisit several principles the world and others have taught me over the years:

  1. Even though I hurt like hell it didn’t kill me
  2. My life is much better and more fulfilling than I give it credit for
  3. I do not have the answers to my life right now and that’s ok
  4. The human mind is so powerful that it can be my best asset or my worst enemy
  5. I can’t always control my feelings but I can control how I let them affect me
  6. The only way to get out of my head and feel better is to take action

Even though I didn’t know what to do or how to make myself feel better, I still took action.  That was the only cure for my situation. Action allowed me to change my outlook.  If one thing doesn’t work I have to change my approach and try something else.  I needed action to get out of my head and refocus my thoughts.  To give me the strength and energy to get through the day.

The universe, God or whoever; taught me a valuable lesson today.  Like most experiences in life I need to look at the pain I went through with gratitude for the knowledge I have gained.  Now I have a plan for tomorrow or any other day in case I wake up feeling the same way.  I have created a contingency plan.  I know the steps I can take if I feel this way again.  I have the app ready to go and I have new motivational videos lined up to to watch.  If those things aren’t enough I have articles ready to read, podcasts to listen to and people who I can talk to.

It was a reminder that every day I need to create, build and live the best life I can.  Some days little victories like getting out of bed are a huge success.  I have to take these little successes and allow them to accumulate to bigger successes.  Before I know it life has a way of shifting itself from fathom to abundance.  When I look at very successful people I know, they key seems to be humbleness and humility.  To do the right things on both parts of the spectrum and to show appreciation and gratitude for the life you live.