Month: December 2015

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And My Day Is Complete….Bye Chip

chipkelly

As we near the end of another disappointing season, I can finally rest easily.  Chip Kelly is gone.  Philadelphia is rejoicing.  See ya Chip.  It’s unfortunate you can’t take Bradford, Kiko and Maxwell (and their bloated contracts) with you.

I said you would be the next Steve Spurrier in the NFL,but you surpassed my prediction.  Congrats.  At least he had the decency to resign and walk away apologizing for the clusterfuck he created in Washington.

You deserve a kick to the nuts for what you have done.  You make Andy Reid Look like Bill Belichick.  Rich Kotite on his Hoveround mocks your performance.  This isn’t college bro, it’s the pros.  Well sort of, because it is the NFC East, but you get what I’m saying.

You Honeydicked your way into Philly with all your offensive trickery and shitty schemes that are only effective in college.  Then you Hot Cosby our beloved team, got rid of all of our best athletes, decimated our offensive line and turned the Eagles into one of the worst teams in the NFC East.  That’s not an easy task considering how shitty the rest of the competition is in the division.  From the bottom of my heart and for every Philadelphian that bleeds green, Peace bitch!

 

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Episode 21: Regret Comes In Many Forms

Regret2

What do Butta, Porta Potties and hiding in a shower have in common for KRS?  In this episode we unpack how and when male regret sets in – As well as it effects on performance.

In our second segment we look at: sex education, liquid soap making showering in jail safer, some rubbers erase mistakes while others prevent them and the impetus of finding farts funny.

We close the show with a quote from Charles Dickens, “No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.”  The importance of helping those around you and giving back to the world we live in.

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Episode 20: You Gonna Hit That Bro

Episode 20 opens up with KRS talking about his new favorite invention which leads directly into horror stories at SeaWorld and the Zoo.

ShowerThoughts hits on body dysmorphia and the rising use of steroids outside of sports, dating a transgender person before they made the change and sword fighting at the gym… but not exactly what you’re picturing.

We end on a Meditation from Henry Ford: “If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses.”

Blog: whythehellwouldyoucare.com
Twitter: @WhyTheHellBlog
Email: WhyTheHellWouldYouCare@gmail.com

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Visit our Shop!  Buy our t-shirts designed and inspired by this podcast at MassRoutine.com

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This episode sponsored by SmashDiscount.com, use promo code WTH at checkout for Free Shipping and 10% off your order. You can also support the show by clicking through our Amazon.com link when shopping.

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Episode 19.5 – Technical Difficulties

1204-stiches-mugshot-3Unfortunately this week we had some issues.  A technical mishap made the second half of the show unusable.  We salvaged the first 25 minutes and rolled with it.

The episode opens with KRS writing an E-mail suggestion to Tinder and Bumble that is completely taken out of context.  An attempt at a comical E-mail leaves him with concerns about being placed on a watch list.  Which leads us into another prime example of poor choices and the possible dangers of dating apps.

In our ShowerThought segment we ponder: There are no rhymes in sign language, how archaeologists will view the remains of Disney World, the real moral of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Mcribs – the deadbeat dad of fast food industry and the ability to ruin families with a simple anonymous letter.

Our news segment gets cut way short.  But not before we discuss KRS’s favorite guilty pleasure, the rapper Stitches.  A recent altercation at a Miami night club left Stitches looking for his street cred anywhere he could find it after an embarrassing one punch KO.

The rest of the recording was shot.  We apologize for the technical difficulties.  We promise to form like Voltron and come hard during upcoming episodes.

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Don’t Bring Jesus Up In Here

buddyC

I saw him; staring me in the face with all his holiness and purity.  Immediately I felt guilty and my shaft went soft.

A few years back, my friend and I got together at a strip club in Orange County.  We were “those strip club” type of guys – Muscular, tattooed, attractive, with somewhat sordid morals.  Overall, the type of guys strippers wanted to meet in the club when they weren’t looking to make money.  No, I’m not proud of that statement, I’m simply stating a fact for the context of this story.

At this point in my life, I was making a living as an unlicensed, alternative-market pharmacist (to put it nicely).  I had all the free time in the world, but my friends had to work.  Instead of learning and bettering myself, I spent my days hanging out at strip clubs: eating steaks, drinking and meeting strippers.  Yes, the food is delicious at some strip clubs, especially the filet.

I felt comfortable in strip clubs.  Like I belonged.  I always made friends with the people who worked there.  Everyone from the bathroom attendants to the owners.  It’s cliche for someone in my previous line of work to date a stripper, but it was easy for me.  They liked me; and not in the “It’s their job to like everyone” sense.

I clicked with strippers.  There were numerous commonalities: loads of free time,  partying, promiscuity, daddy issues, a taste for nice things and bad relationships.

I got off track; back to the story.  My friend and I were at the club for maybe 30 minutes when two girls approached us, sat down and started to chat.  Twenty minutes later she asked if I’d like a lap dance.  Normally I say no.  Even though I’ve spent so much time in strip clubs, I rarely get lap dances.  They make me uncomfortable and feel bad about myself.  Everyone getting a lap dance looks like the world’s saddest perv. (more…)

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Tinder Treasure – My Contribution To The Dating Population

tinderdump

It irked me.  Was I seeing her, but she wasn’t seeing me?  That can’t be right.  What type of shit is this?

I was playing on Tinder and Bumble and I started to wonder why I match with very few girls in the 18-22 year old range.  It certainly couldn’t be how I looked.  I’m hot, who wouldn’t want this?  I mean, I have a giant head, but no one’s perfect.Vegas

Then I got thinking.  Maybe the reason I don’t match with girls in my preferred age range is due to the fact the apps are showing me ALL girls who fall into the specified age range.  Instead of seeing ONLY girls in the age range I chose who want a guy my age.  Could my hypothesis be possible?  Did Tinder and Bumble not think to make age range viewing reciprocal? – It seems simple and logical that if you like girls from the ages of 20-25 and you are 35, you would only see girls from ages 20-25 who are interested in guys my age.  right? (more…)

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Thought Of The Day – Go Big Or Go Home

BTTickle

 

I don’t think this picture needs much captioning.  This is a bro after my own heart.  When you get the urge to tickle a butthole, you need to scratch it.  Even if that means breaking into a house to do it.

Don’t let the man get you down bruh.  I commend you on your persistence.  I know that feeling when all you want to do is play with a butt; and sometimes stick your tongue in it.  Keep on keepin’ it real.

Note to self: Don’t set alarm tonight.

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This Isn’t The Notebook, Violating HIPPA Isn’t Charming

hipaa

I read an article tonight that used words like  manspread, mansplain and manterrupt.  I don’t have any clue what these newly made up terms mean. Candidly, I have zero interest.  Seems like more liberal buzzwords to condemn men’s actions.  That’s fine, but I can barely remember my address at times, I don’t need more dust in my filter mucking up my limited thought process.

I agree, we as men act inappropriately pretty often. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by what I see from other men.  Occasionally, I’m embarrassed by my actions.  However, there is a double standard when a women does something inappropriate towards a man.  I’ve had women come up to me and grab my arms, pull up my sleeves and my shirt to check out my tattoos without ever speaking to me or asking me.  It’s incredibly rude and annoying as hell.  But it’s excusable because a women did it.

That may not be the best example.  However, I have a funny story, which anecdotally proves my point.  I recently had cancer. I was at my pre-admissions testing prior to my last surgery.  I was polite as always with the people who work there.  One women talked to me about taking her son to see wrestling and some other topical conversation.  I left and went about my day.

Hours later I received this text:
Hippa

(more…)

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Beware of The Pen

Not this pen.fountain_pen

This pen.WGN90QP

My Sunday got high-jacked.  Pun intended.  Why do you think I spelled it wrong!?  Keep up.

It was a beautiful day outside.  I hit the gym early then made my way to the dog park.  Maddie loves the park.  I enjoy getting high and watching her play.

I brought my oil pen to the park with me.  what an ingenious invention.  I can smoke, essentially anywhere, with very little smell and it looks like I’m causally vaping.  Meanwhile, I’m getting lifted.

The problem with an oil pen is occasionally the effects are delayed.  I was puffing away at the park, not feeling phased in the least bit.  When I returned home and hour later, totally different ballgame.

I was barely functioning.  Showering took me  30 minutes.  Mainly because I kept getting sidetracked and forgetting the shower was on.  Preparing a meal wasn’t all that pleasant either.

I was baked.  I had work to do and football to watch.  But the next three hours were spent laying on my couch, playing with dating apps on my phone.  Probably not the best time to be messaging women.

I should have learned my lesson last night, which ended in a nasty incident involving a little pant shitting.  All I’m going to say is: 3 burritos, 6 tacos, a giant chocolate fudge brownie, mixed with numerous diet coke = a very uncomfortable car ride stuck in an hour of traffic.  I hit a bump in the road which jarred lose a fart that turned on me.  I felt my underwear become soiled, that and shame, lots of shame.