I’m wearing my tinfoil hat as I write this post. You may want to break out yours too.
Over the last six weeks my mindset has changed greatly. I believe in the Law of Attraction. What you think about you bring about. I’ve focused on fear and negativity, which caused me to make poor decisions repeatedly. Everything I touched turned to shit. Even my dog has been keeping her distance from me.
My insecurities are overflowing and spilling out into all areas of my world. The universe is taking from me. I want to quit, cash in my chips, get a job with a steady paycheck and give up on my dreams.
I’m afraid. Afraid I will fail and go broke, never reaching my goals. Essentially, turning into my father. That’s the scariest thought of all.
My OCD kicks in like crazy at times like this. I want to sit around and obsess over everything that has gone wrong. painstakingly revisit every mistake I made and allow my inner dialogue to tell me what I should have done. It’s like having a wound I need to keep touching to make sure it still hurts.
I haven’t been taking care of myself and doing the things I love. When I write I feel like I ‘m complaining about my problems. Everyone has enough of their own problems, no one needs to read about mine.
I look back at what changed over the last six weeks and one thing stands out screaming right in my face. My ex girlfriend and I started talking and seeing each other again. Since we started to speaking the following transpired:
- My dog broke her femur and had major reconstructive surgery to repair her leg. The surgery cost over $6,000. Thankfully shes healing up great.
- My dog had to have a mast cell tumor removed
- I’ve let myself go physically. I haven’t been eating or exercising properly. Some of this is related to health issues
- I’ve lost $25k (on paper) in the stock market.
- I have developed some sort of Autoimmune disease. I find out more this week.
- I found out last week I need a rather invasive surgery to remove a tumor from my liver.
Now, I’m not blaming my ex for my misfortunes. I don’t believe she is a cosmic jinx who has thrown my juju off and as a result my world has started to crumble. Ok, at first I did question if she was the cause of this downward spiral. I’m trying to be slightly more realistic than that. However, two days after we had sex for the first time in seven months gold tanks and I lose $10k in one day! Could her vagina be my kryptonite? I told you I have my tinfoil hat on.
I’d like to blame my problems on something or someone else, like my ex. Its convenient and easy, but it’s bullshit. Life is cyclical and bad things happen. More so, bad things arise when you allow negative thoughts and emotions to take hold of the reigns and steer you in the wrong direction. The problem is simple, its me.
I believe that I willed many of my issues into reality through my negative thoughts and complacency towards striving to be my best. I haven’t been diligent with my endeavors. I want everything to come relatively easily. I put in a couple months worth of hard work; you mean to tell me I can’t rest on my laurels now and coast it out forever?
Recently, Friend’s pointed out to me that I’ve been less positive and more emotional. I’ve let my thoughts control my actions instead of the other way around. When I don’t feel like putting the effort into bettering myself I take short cuts. History has shown short cuts inevitably cost me more in the long run. Sometimes there is no substitute for hard work.
There’s also a possibility that there is no rhyme or reason for my bad luck. Perhaps life throws obstacles in my path for shits and giggles to see how I will react. Occasionally life seems to hand me a dose of reality and bring me back to a more grounded level.
I can’t go back an un-lose my money in the stock market or keep my dog from breaking her leg. The only thing to do is concentrate my efforts on dealing with these bits of adversity and continue to build on my life. Sitting around worrying wont solve any issues and will only serve to rob me of any joy I could experience.
Regardless of why, things have materialized that have taken me off course. The most important step to rectify this type of situation is to take control over your thoughts and move forward with action. Nothing that happens to you in life matters. The only thing that matters is how you handle it and what you do about it. Unexpected circumstances creep into our lives all the time. Focus on what you can control and create opportunity everywhere.