Fuck I Don’t Feel Like Writing


“So baby girl put it on me!”

I can’t get Ja Rule out of my head.

Its playing on my Spotify in the background.  I never write while listening to music.  I usually can’t concentrate unless I have silence.  But today I’m not sure what to write about.  Or if this will turn into anything other than a draft that sits on the back-end of my site forever.

I’m sitting on my couch with a smile on my face.  My dog’s sprawled out next to me sleeping the morning away.  It’s one of those funny mornings where I know I have a ton to do today, but I’m not stressing.  I’m trying my hardest to stay present and enjoy my day as it comes.

Too often I stress the future and what I feel needs to happen.  I can’t sit still and focus on whats happening in the present.  I want to get to these future events and get them over with.

I’m not sure why I feel that way.  I don’t know if it’s that I feel there is a void in my life right now or if it’s because I haven’t achieved a certain goal yet.  Possibly its the anxiety and fear of not knowing how it will play out.  The one thing I do know is that the the anticipation and the process of getting to wherever I want to be in life tends to be the most exciting part.

One of my favorite lines from any movie sums up these thoughts so perfectly:

“It not about the past or what you think might happen in the future, its about the ride for Christ Sake. There’s no point in going through all this crap if you’re not going to enjoy the ride.  And you know what?  When you least expect it something great might come along – Something better than you even planned for”

Listening to those words always makes me smile and puts life in perspective for me.  Something as simple as taking one minute to watch a clip of a movie can completely change my outlook for the day.  Gleaning little pearls of wisdom from all aspects of life helps me get a better understanding of myself and how I should live.  Appreciating each day for what it is; a gift.

I may not have all the things I want in my life today, but I have what I need.  Hell, I have more than I need.  At some point I may even want to getting rid of some of the possessions I have.

Life is a journey not a destination.  Trite but true.  A journey that is difficult and painful, but rewarding.  Reminding myself of this allows me to slow down and appreciate things as they come.  I don’t have to worry about filling a void or achieving a goal right this second.  The most important thing I can do is enjoy this moment because it will not come again.

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