“I should probably beat off. ” I’m not sure why, but that’s the first thing that pops into my mind when I’m writing and get the slightest bit stuck. I literally catch myself inching my hand off the keyboard and moving it towards my dick when the words aren’t flowing the way I want. It’s this subconscious mechanism in my brain that tells me “This is hard work; jerking off would really help this process.”
Even though I love writing and it makes me happy, I seem to love masturbation more. I’m rarely disappointed when I finish masturbating. Plus I always know the outcome and it takes much less effort. With writing, sometimes I turn out junk that’s completely unusable and it takes me quite a long time. Advantage, masturbation.
Some days I spend so much time going back in forth in my head about whether or not I should take a break to jerk off that I forget what I’m writing about. It starts to consume me. My focus becomes less on what I’m writing and more about why I shouldn’t masturbate. I spend hours staring at my computer screen having this internal battle.
Then I start to lie to myself. I manipulate my brain into believing that if I get this pent up feeling out, it will clear my head and I will be able to focus on my work. That’s usually the furthest thing from the truth. As soon as I cum I don’t want to write or create. All I usually want to do is eat some food, relax and maybe read or listen to some music.
Often I cave in to my urge. It starts with me opening a new browser and pulling up one of my favorite sites. I peruse a bit and get a little taste of what’s out there for me to watch. I’ll start texting girls. Maybe send out a couple dick pics, see if I can strike up some sex talk and possibly get them to send me some naked pictures. It all devolves from there.
However, There are occasions when I get to the point of no return and stop. I get all worked up and ready to go and then I tell myself, “No, I have to focus on writing and get this post done.” I make a deals in my head that as soon as I’m finished I can reward myself by jerking off.
At 35 it’s a daily struggle to do real work without ending up with my dick in my hand. I’m starting to wonder if this is something I should just commit to before I start writing. Take care of business beforehand so that it’s no longer an issue while I’m writing. Looking at it with the same mindset of not going out on a date with a loaded gun. Making sure I have clean pipes so I can think straight and my conversation doesn’t seem to desperate or eager.
Maybe that needs to be my new ritual. It will be an experiment moving forward. With my mind clear of these thoughts it’s possible the words will flow better and my posts will improve. Life’s all about trial and error in order to learn and get better at you what do.
As a reader you can take comfort in knowing that I did not masturbate while writing this post. You’re welcome.