My natural instinct is to distrust everyone. If you give me a compliment, I think you’re lying and want something from me. If a girl sends me a picture, I ask who else she sent them too. If you pitch me a business deal, more than likely I assume you want to rip me off.
I find myself becoming insecure over the littlest things lately. Everyone is out to get me. My business partners want to screw me, friends are lying to me, women are holding things back from me. It’s an insane amount of paranoia. I haven’t been this far off the mark in a long time. It’s addict behavior at it’s finest.
My mind is going a million miles a minute trying to figure out every angle every person is playing. I waste more time in a day playing out these insane, nightmare scenarios in my head than I spend on making my life better.
I want instant gratification. If I don’t get immediate results something must be wrong. I want to control everything and everyone. My thoughts are racing and I can’t find peace.
That’s when I know it’s time to take a step back and slow down. I can’t have any serenity when I can’t be in control of my thoughts and actions. I needed to write this post as a reminder of how to get myself grounded again.
There are only a few ways I know how to silence my evil master (my mind). (more…)