November 7, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

Information overload.

The idea of a person searching for their soul mate is a relatively new idea. Sixty years ago, people married because it was the social norm. When looking for a partner, people often approached it from a social and economic perspective. Will this person be able to give me children to work my farm? Will they be able to be the breadwinner and support a family?

People didn’t necessarily need to fall madly in love and have a laundry list of things they needed checked off in order to find a suitable partner. Many people started off with a partner they felt lukewarm about and worked hard to cultivate love in their marriage. It wasn’t totally shocking to see a couple married for 30-40 years like it is today.

Now everyone wants a storybook romance that would sell out every movie theater in the country. We have impossibly high standards that few of us could ever live up to. We don’t necessarily want to be perfect ourselves, but we certainly want the people we date to be.

I’m part of this problem. I’m one of the assholes out their in the world straight fucking up how people view relationships for generations to come. The thought of settling for anything less than perfect person seems intolerable.

Thinking about the concept of finding a soul mate and the “perfect person” made me curious. Did people always look for this deep-level of fulfillment, meaning and purpose in other aspects of their lives? What about in their careers? Is the idea of “do what you love and you will find your purpose in life” a new thing?

Where did all this searching for purpose in life come from? Is it something brought about by motivational speakers and bad movies? Do we search for deeper meaning because it’s what society tells us has value? Or is it something that transcends time and is worth spending our life trying to figure out?

We’re flooded with ideas of how life it supposed to be and when we compare that to our reality, we become dissatisfied and feel less than. We have access to so much knowledge, and even more so, the opinion of others who we think know what the fuck they’re talking about, that we get confused and aren’t sure how to process it all.

We’ve become lost in emotions and fluffy bullshit, so we create stories to make life match up with our fantasies. We want the fairy tale and the Ferrari to match. We don’t want to work 60 hours a week, make 50 grand a year and take our kids to eat at fucking Applebee’s. (more…)

August 13, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

I Make Poor Choices

She fucking did to me again. I can’t believe she lied this time. Actually, I did it to myself, I know what I’m getting into. I know how she struggles with telling the truth. I really should only blame myself.

My ex and I started talking after an 8 month hiatus. Long story short, we hung out last weekend. Anyone who know us can tell exactly where this story is headed. It’s always the same. One or both of us fucks up and everything falls apart. It all ends in tears or anger and everyone’s sad. Wah boo hoo

She lied about fucking someone of course. I don’t even care she fucked someone else, I care she lied. Yes, it’s none of my business because I’ve been sleeping with other people. But, I asked her flat out and she lied to my face. She could have told me the truth or chose to decline to answer. Instead, she lied.

Now I’m annoyed at her and want to walk away. But there is a part of me that I wants to be spiteful and get back at her. But why? I’ll be the one who ends up feeling like a dick and having to deal with the consequences of my actions. Cleaning up the wreckage of using someone as a pawn to hurt her. It’s childish, stupid and makes me want to slap myself. But that’s where my brain still wants to go by default.

Einstein never actually said ” The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,'” but whoever did was absolutely right. I want her to change and be the person she used to be. I know that’s wrong and I shouldn’t want to change her, but I do. I want her to be better and hold me accountable to be better as well. But my fantasy is far from reality.

I act like I’m her father-figure, telling her how she should be living her life. Meanwhile I’m a hypocrite who keeps making shitty choices in my own life. My need to control is one of my biggest character flaws and the reason many of my relationships fail.

I want to be a family with her and her son. Being with them was the only time I ever felt connected to a family unit. I cling to that feeling. Occasionally I let it go, but somehow it brings me back. I’m stuck in a loop. A loop of my doing.

Choices and actions dictate life. Making shitty choices gets you stuck in a loop chasing your dick around like a toddler just hoping life will get better. Making difficult, positive choices can feel uncomfortable and won’t guarantee your life will become everything you’ve ever imagined, but it’s an opportunity to get out of the vicious loop of insanity. I’ve said it before, life boils down to three things: Action, choices and chances. The more action you take, the better choices you make, the more chances you get at living the life you want.

May 20, 2017June 20, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

It’s Friday Night

Ahhhhh the games we play. Well, the games I play may be more accurate.

It’s Friday night at exactly 11:11 for those superstitious types like myself. I got home from work 2 hours ago and I’m laying in bed after finishing a book.

I was exhausted and hungry when I got home. All I wanted to do was shower, eat and have some alone time. Normally Friday nights I have a visitor stop by for our weekly rendezvous. I’ve been horny as fuck all week and was really hyping it up with dirty talk to her yesterday. But when I left work I wasn’t feeling being around anyone or having sex tonight.

She asked about coming over and I gave my usual noncommittal response, “Text me later and we will see.” She hates when I do that and I know it, so of course I love doing it.

I don’t want to put the effort in tonight, but I’m getting a little horny and bored now that I’m finished reading. I’m feeling a little needy as well, seeing as how she hasn’t text me back yet asking if she can come over in about an hour. Plus I took a preemptive Viagra and I don’t want it to go to waste. Yes, I use performance enhancing meds, I’m not ashamed.

I snapped her a pic of me in bed and she responded “sex time?” I replied by telling her I just finished reading a book and never answered her question. I want her to work a little for this. I get off on the control.

I’m trying to see how long I can keep this going until I fold. I text her again asking if her her ass was clean. She let me know she was fully prepared for tonight, anticipating she would see me. I have to giver her credit for that.

I know I’m going to give in a few minutes because I want sex before it’s too late. With my no sleepover policy it’s important to make sure I don’t let anyone come over later than midnight or they may get the wrong impression. Once the deed is done, it’s my bedtime and they have to go.

Right now writing is my procrastination from having sex. Which is odd because I normally procrastinate from writing by having sex with my hand.

It’s been 20 minutes now, it’s time to pull the trigger and tell her to come by. I have to lay down extra sheets because she squirts like a fountain and it always turns into an awful mess ruining my bed. I either have to change all my sheets or sleep on the couch after she stops by.

I’m not sure if this is how normal nights are supposed to go for someone my age. I guess now is not the time for judgement, reflection and deep soul searching.

May 17, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

Great….Another Dating App Post

My OCD now controls my use of dating apps. I’m not talking interacting on dating apps, I mean the actual manner of how I use the apps. There’s a process I have to stick to.

First, I only use the apps when I’m taking a shit. I figure I’m stuck there for a couple of minutes, so I might as well make it me time and check out the dating world. Occasionally I’ll still go on and swipe when I’m bored or I’m procrastinating at other times of the day. But, It’s rare. I do the majority of my dating work while sitting on the can.

Second, I must start out using Bumble. I’m not sure why, but it’s what my brain tells me to do. So I listen like a good little soldier.

I open the app and I hit the little blinky fucking diamond icon at the top right of the screen so I can see how many people swiped right for me. There’s a preview that shows the number of possible matches you may have, but it doesn’t show you who they are. The premium, paid version of bumble shows you who swiped right for you before you even come across them. I don’t have bumble premium anymore because it depressed me too much. I would go on and see all the monsters that swiped right for me and started to worry about my attractiveness. I’m getting close to midlife crisis time and my ego is way to fucking fragile for that. Plus it defeated the purpose of playing it like a game and I got bored quickly .

So anyway, I look at the number of possible matches then I start to swipe. I’m incredibly OCD and need to swipe in batches of 10. I can’t close the app or look at my matches until I hit a multiple of ten. I count off each person one by one. Sometimes, I’ll see how long I can keep swiping without matching in multiples of ten. Those are usually really slow days in my life that I’m not proud of.

Third, I hit up tinder. I’m usually disgusted with what I see within 5-7 swipes. I’m even more disgusted with myself that none of them found me attractive enough to match with me. However, there’s times when I start off with 8-10 very attractive girls in their early twenties, which piques my interest. I’ll swipe right vigorously on their pics. I can feel myself making a pervy face and grunting when I do it. After I don’t match with any of them In multiples of ten, I close the app, wipe my ass and go about my day.

You’re welcome dating world.

March 30, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

No One Wants the Eggplant

Why the unsolicited Dick pic bro? And why am I the guy telling other guys this? I’m a fucking moron when it comes to women. I tell women upfront: I don’t do sleepovers, don’t expect to date me, and this probably wont end well; and even I know better than to send a random chick a dick pic.

What goes through a guys mind when he sees a chicks on IG or Snap and fires away an unwanted pic of his mighty member? Does he think it will make her wet? Like somehow, she will see his ugly, veiny dick and instantly want to fuck him.

I can’t imagine anyone ever has sent an unsolicited Dick pick to a chick and she was like, “you know what, this dude seems like he’s got it together. Not to mention a great hog, I’m gonna bang him tonight.” What the fuck bro?

I thought guys like me were the bottom of the barrel when it comes to tact and class. Now I see there’s an heir to that throne. I’m sure your lonely nights of jacking off to daydreams of the women you will never sleep with will keep feeding your fire to send your piece de resistance of cock pics. Thinking if you just get the angle right this time, maybe she will fall in love. Keep up he good work you desperate bastards.

March 11, 2017 whytheheLeave a comment

Why’s he got that?

I look around asking why I don’t have this or that. It’s because I’m afraid of failing. I don’t take the action and the risk to make it happen. I see all these mediocre dudes on the beach with attractive girls and I wonder, “why don’t I have that?” I’m pretty fucking mediocre too, why am I not with her.

Now, I know there is a whole lot wrong with what I just wrote. I know everyone has different tastes. I also know I am judging by appearances and my perspective of other people. These guys may have lots of other amazing things about them like personality, great career etc.

Also, I know that I could be dating attractive women, but I choose to be emotionally unavailable, say really stupid shit I should keep to myself and have lots of unprotected sex. So, yeah, there’s lots of reasons I’m sitting alone on the beach right now. We’ve addressed that, now lets move on.

The real point to that, is those guys most likely put themselves in the right position to be in the place they are in. They may have taken risks to go up and meet the girl. They could have built their life up to a place that is attractive to her. They could have been introduced by a friend who thought they would click. All of that is by design one way or another.

A mutual friend may have thought they are both great people so she put them together. That never happens to me, because I’m horrible at dating, I sleep with everyone (which my friends all know), I don’t allow sleepovers and I’m generally kind of an asshole. So my friends don’t usually want to subject others to dating me.

If I want to have someone, those behaviors have to change. Making those changes are solely up to me.

This can obviously be applied to anything you want in your life that you feel don’t have and should. I was using dating as an example, because it’s something so glaringly obvious that I’m really bad at. That and I like to be self deprecating because it’s fun. Don’t judge me.

So if you actually want something to change in your life, shut the fuck up and do something about it. Stop making excuses and make changes to your life so you can have a chance to get what you want in life. Don’t be entitled and expect things will happen for you, just because you feel you deserve it. I’m busy doing that, so fuck off and get in line.

July 15, 2016 whytheheLeave a comment

Fuck You Dating World

I’m not so proud to admit this, but when I’m bored, lonely or procrastinating (and I don’t feel like beating off anymore that day), I troll on dating apps. When I feel this way, I’m not actually trying to meet anyone, I just want to feel better about myself or pass time until something more exciting happens in my life. I jump from app to app on my phone – I have 3 or 5, I’m not certain.

I start out looking for girls I find attractive and I swipe right to see if we match . Some days I’m on fire and I match with everyone I’m attracted too. Today wasn’t that day.

I quickly progressed from looking for attractive women to, please, for the love of God will someone fucking match with me before I hate myself. After 10 or so swipes right with no matches on multiple apps, I started looking at the girls a little differently. I examined each girl and all of their pictures, trying to convince myself they were a good choice. I sunk as low as reading their profiles trying to find something attractive about them. I never fucking read profiles, who has time for that? Still no matches.

As I expanded my preferences I lost more and more self-respect. I was so desperate to feel validation and it wasn’t happening. I was Super-Liking, asking girls about their day that had matched with me weeks before. I starving for attention like so many other sad sacks of shit out in the dating world.

Finally, I gave up and swiped right for everyone. I never saw their pictures, I simply swiped. I started counting: 46, 47, 68, 49, are you fucking kidding me? Nothing, not one single match.

I found myself angry at the Apps. Clearly they must have a bug in them. All of them. It’s not me.

This went on for the better part of an hour. I was defeated. I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, so I went into the kitchen and made myself some dinner. The meal consisted of the saddest chicken you have ever seen, some kale I pulled out of the bag and stuffed directly into my mouth, then I washed it all down with a tablespoon of olive oil.

Right now I want to jump right back on my phone. I’m a glutton for punishment. I’d go back to my old flip phone to avoid this, but then how would I watch porn?

April 1, 2016April 6, 2016 whytheheLeave a comment

And Shes Back

Fucking your ex can be great. But it’s like scratching your asshole. Even though you know it’s going to feel good to get in there, eventually you’ll end up with shit on if you keep doing it.

I let a good one go. She had a great career, great body, very driven and the sex was pretty good. We spent several days a week together for a couple months. I told her I liked her, which I did. I broke my biggest dating rule by letting her sleep over. I even asked her to stay over on more than one occasion.

The downside, she had a big head shaped kind of like Quagmire’s from Family Guy. I have a big head; two big heads don’t go well together. If we had a baby, the poor child would need a neck brace to keep his head from dragging behind him.

When she blew me I could feel her teeth. She was very uptight when it came to butt stuff. She was 27 and drove a new Subaru Forestor. Who hell buys a new Subaru Forestor under the age of 40, who’s not a lesbian? Overall I found her to be pretty fucking boring.

We both agreed neither of us wanted to be in a relationship. After two months of dating, I could feel she wanted more. I admit I may have acted in a manner that could give a girl the wrong impression. Treating her well and letting her stay over was misleading. But I’m a nice guy, I like making people feel good.

I never flip flopped when we spoke. I repeatedly said I didn’t want a relationship and what we did when we weren’t together wasn’t was our own business. Then one night she started breaking my balls and insulting me because I went to a strip club. She apologized the next day, but the damage was done. The relationship went down in flames and she left with hard feelings.

Then my ex floats back into my life and I allow it. It started off causally with a couple of messages back and forth. Within a week I had pictures of her naked and close ups of her pussy. Yes, I asked for them, so I can’t blame it all on her. Now we talk every day.

A couple months ago I told her I no longer wanted to hook up with her, I only wanted to be friends. She didn’t like that. She’s used to getting her way with me. When I stop paying attention to her she chases me.

At first, I stood my ground and stuck to my words. That didn’t very last long. Then I started giving her the attention she wanted, which bores her and makes her run away. It’s a very healthy relationship.

This cycle has repeated itself so many times I can almost predict the exact timeline of how the situation will unfold. Things will be fun, we will get together and have some great sex for a week or two. Then something will happen, like her sleeping with someone else. We will argue, I will spin out and we will stop talking for a couple weeks. Then repeat.

I love her and her son. I know this will end poorly, but I keep pushing forward and tempting fate. I’m weak and stupid when it comes to them. I deserve whatever I get.

February 16, 2016February 16, 2016 whytheheLeave a comment

Tinder Beware

I matched with this girl on Tinder. I sent her a message saying, “you have great sideboob.” It was the best thing I could think of.

Normally I don’t read profiles, but something told me I should read her’s. It was rather aggressive. She mentioned liking boobs, so I felt my opener was appropriate.

We chatted for a little bit and I gave her my number.

One night I got a text from her telling me she was sick. We made some inane small talk. The conversation wasn’t going anywhere. She lost interest quickly.

I wasn’t nearly as aggressive as I should have been. I think at one point I even asked if I could do anything for her to make her feel better. I’m sure her vagina dried up immediately.

About a week ago I noticed she added me as a friend on SnapChat. When I checked out her snap, the first thing I saw was her dancing around naked. She captioned the video, “Feed me dicks.” Apparently she’s a porn star.

I became intrigued and I googled her SnapChat username, which happens to be her porn name as well. Instantly a list of scenes she had acted in, across various genres, appeared.

At first I was relieved nothing happened. Then a wave of sadness hit me.

I started asking myself questions:

Why didn’t I pursue a fun evening with this girl? She seems like a good time.

Did I miss my window of opportunity?

Should I try to text her again, or possibly message her on SnapChat?

How didn’t I realize she was in porn?

This line of questioning lasted for a day. Then I moved on. I won’t lie, occasionally I check out her Snaps. She’s either high, partying or naked. Which is much more entertaining than most people I follow.

I guess I shouldn’t have been too shocked to find out she did porn. The “I love Bang Bros” shirt she was wearing in her profile picture should have given it away.

January 9, 2016January 23, 2016 whytheheLeave a comment

What’s That Say About You?

I’m not a solid dude. I’m that asshole on Tinder women like you (or how you used to be) seem to be looking for. Someone who’s self centered, self involved, damaged and unavailable. I’m not sure whats the appeal — maybe its the muscles, tattoos and the white-trash-handsome look. Either way it seems to work.

I guess it’s the same reason I chase all the wrong women. I like a challenge, I want to save someone and I’m a glutton for punishment.

My bio starts out with me trying to be funny. But really it’s just me being obnoxious, “Charming handsome, well adjusted.” These are just a few adjectives used to describe me when I recently polled the women I dated. The other adjectives aren’t worth mentioning.” Yet some women find that cute and interesting.

I look like “that guy” in most of my tinder pics. Trying to sneak in as many shirtless pictures as possible. Occasionally I throw in a couple pics of me and my dog to show how loving and compassionate I am. Women seem to love my dog.

It’s a game we all play. Well at least those of us who want everything and everyone that’s wrong for us. Chasing what isn’t meant for me is one of my favorite pastimes. It usually always ends up in frustration, pain and tears, but most arrangements like that usually do. c’est la vie

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU CARE

Tag: dating