Sometimes I love playing the victim. I don’t realize it at the time, but that’s exactly what I am doing. I look at my circumstances or how someone has “wronged me” and I feel sorry for myself.
I vent to my friends in order to validate my own feelings. I gossip and spin my stories to manipulate the situation. I want people on my side when things go wrong so they can pick me up, tell me everything will be ok and that I deserve better. It’s all about ME and MY feelings.
I don’t want to take accountability for my part. I entered, or re-entered at times, relationships with the understanding of who these people are. Being naive enough to hope they will change or act the way I see fit.
That’s called being a volunteer victim. I see countless people playing this role every day. I despise it, it’s one of my pet peeves. I call my friends out on it every time I spot the behavior. Then I turn around and act this way myself. I’m a hypocrite.
I have lofty expectations others can’t fulfill. That’s the first problem. Placing my expectations on anyone else is setting them up for failure. Any pain and suffering I experience because of the relationship is my fault.
I invest time and emotions into people with poor track records. Knowing deep down I will ultimately be disappointed and let down. That was my choice to make. I knew better and still decided to proceed forward anyway. I can’t blame others for doing what they always do
It’s the story of The Scorpion and the Frog. The scorpion asks the frog if he can ride on his back across the river because he cannot swim. The frog asks, “How do I know that if I try to help you, you won’t try to kill me?” The scorpion assures the frog he wouldn’t do that because it would leave to his demise as well. Half way across the river the scorpion stings the frog. Before the frog dies he says, “You fool, why would you do that now we will both die.” The scorpions only response was, “I could not help myself. It is my nature.” (more…)
I woke up exhausted, still trying to recover from my Thursday night, which ended at 6:30 Friday morning. I didn’t want to get out of bed and face everything I had to do today.
My day has been riddled with expectations and assumptions. I’ve been agitated all day by the littlest things. My mind is running wild with fear and aggravation.
This morning I went to visit the job site for a rehab I am financing. The drive took far longer than I had anticipated. There was traffic, cars moving slowly on single lane road and I seemed to hit every red light. By the time I got to the site I was annoyed. I met with my friend who is doing the rehab, only to find the lockbox holding the key to the house was stuck shut. He tried repeatedly to open it with no avail. We were locked out.
Since he will be replacing the windows, he broke one and we climbed in like cat burglars. During our walk through I wasn’t exactly impressed with the progress. I was having trouble envisioning how the finished product would look. I had expected to see a greater amount of work done on the property.
This was the first time I saw the house since the rehab began. I haven’t been asking for updates, nor have I looked at the project schedule. I had nothing to base progress off of except my own unspoken expectations. If I had been more involved with the project and the work schedule I might be able to assess if things are on track or not.
Once my expectations came into play my mind immediately became filled with negative thoughts. I second guessed my investment, “Why did I get myself involved in this?” Will I get my investment back? I pictured the worst case scenario playing out.
I took that same mindset with me to the gym. My mind kept me from pushing myself and having the workout I wanted. It wasn’t a bad workout, but it didn’t quite meet the expectation I had in my head. My arms didn’t get the pump I thought I usually get. I couldn’t push the weight I normally use. Whether or not any of this was reality I’m not sure. But my mind sold the idea to me and made me believe it.
A friend of mine text me to say hello and see how my day was going. Her replies weren’t fast enough for my liking. I was annoyed. Why would she text me in the first place if she didn’t want to have a conversation? I made assumptions about her reasons that drove me crazy. (more…)