Tag: learning

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What Makes You an Expert?

20130621-expert-monkey

I get tired of being positive.  I don’t want to learn the lessons life is trying to offer me.  All I want is for life to let me live on my terms.  Rarely does it work that way though.

At times I can’t seem to handle whats going on around me.  I’m presented with seemingly large obstacles to see how I will react.  I’m cognizant of what’s happening and even tell myself, “these are tests, handle them in an appropriate manner.”  Yet when I face the challenge, I act the complete opposite of what I’ve prepared myself for and I fail miserably.

I’m angry I have to face the follies of my past.  Others have made similar choices and are able to continue on with what they are doing.  But, for me, it’s never that way.  God always seems to want to take away the things I want to do.  I want to be able to do steroids, take painkillers occasionally and maybe do a line of coke here and there.  I’m bitter I can’t be normal and do things in moderation.

I write a lot about self improvement; dealing with fear and adversity while staying positive.  Hardships have plagued my life for years, so I feel I have a lot of experience overcoming adversity.  Then I have times like this where I can’t follow my own advice and I wonder if I have the right to offer it anyone else.  Am I full of shit?  Where do I get off writing about this stuff?  How can I create a message to help others when I struggle to do it myself?

I read a lot of what so called experts write and I wonder, what makes someone an expert.  How does someone decide they have practiced enough and created a level of success worthy of calling themselves an authority.  Is it the 10,000 hour rule?  Or does it have more to do with what someone can persuade others to believe with their words? (more…)

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What I Learned By Forgotting My Beach Towel

“Why are you going to Crystal Cove its full of lesbians and old people?”

“You should go to Newport it’s spring break, the beach will be packed with college girls.”

As I read those texts from my friend I realized that I forgot to pack a fucking beach towel.  I was minutes away from Crystal Cove Beach and debated turning around and going home.  In the past I would have let something that trivial stop me from enjoying my day.  But I decided to say fuck it and go to the beach towel-less.

I parked in the parking lot on the opposite side of the street.  From there its a long descent down a walking path and through a tunnel under Pacific Coast Highway to get to the beach entrance.  The only 38709thought I had in my head was “this is a giant pain in the ass to get to a beach.”  After 10 minutes of walking I reached my destination and it was beautiful.

I went out on the the rocks in the ocean and checked out the little creatures living on them.  Then I sat down in the sand, put my earpods in my phone and listened to music while I watched the waves break on the rocks.

After a few minutes I turned the music off and began reading the eBook on my phone.  My whole body was coated with sand, but that didn’t bother me.  As I read I thought about how children end up covered in sand at the beach.  Part of their fun is getting sand all over themselves.  But as an adult it seems like such a nuisance.

I moved and sat on a rock at the shoreline.  The water barely reached my feet as the waves rolled in.  I sat there reading and enjoying the sun shining down on me for the next two hours.  When I got too hot or my mind started to wander I jumped in the cold water to shock my body.  It revitalized me and got me back into what I was reading.  I developed a sense of mindfulness about how amazing I felt and how passionate I was about my life and what I was reading.

I didn’t ruminate over the fact that the day prior I chose not to listen to my gut instinct and sell off some stock; which cost me 5k in profit.  I didn’t worry about my business woes or my relationship issues.  I was just grateful for my life at that moment. I was being present and experiencing real contentment and happiness.

It sounds ridiculous, but I had this preconceived notion that if I did not have a towel I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the beach.  I realized it’s these types of ridiculous rules I create for myself that keep me from happiness all to often.  Sometimes the old truths we hold about life need to be thrown out and rewritten.  Changing my thought process and taking a different course of action from my normal inclination to turn around and go home produced a new set of positive results – Happiness and Gratitude.

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That Feeling In Your Gut When You Just Know

There are very few things quite as powerful as your gut instinct.  It’s amazing how intuitive we really are as humans. How much our body gives us so many signs and clues as to what we should and shouldn’t be doing if we truly pay attention.

The obvious things that hold us back from truly following our gut are fear and doubt.  Those two things are a son-of-a-bitch.  They can wreak havoc on your outlook and life.  We all can very easily persuade ourselves to think that gut feeling is just a pipe dream.  Perhaps we started to late for it to work, or its too difficult a task for us.  Those things may all very well be true.  However, no one ever truly knows unless they try.

Wayne Gretzky said “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” I am a firm believer in this affirmation. There are so many points in my life that I look back on with regret saying “fuck I should have done this back then.”  The reality is that some of these things I still want to do and can do with my time.

I REALLY like the excuse of “Im too old” or “I missed the wave.”  Those two thoughts allow me to be a giant pussy from time to time.  Never attacking the passions and goals I have.  I hate the thought of starting over. Not making money and having to worry about finances makes me cringe.  The sad reality is that I AM starting over now at 35 anyway.  I quit my previous career over a year ago.  I’ll get into that whole bag of shit at another time.  Time is passing anyway so I should just start over doing something I love and have a passion to do.

An hour ago a friend texted me asking me about working out.  She was talking about how she wanted to tone up and and she needed help.  She lives near me so I just offered to train her a couple times a week.  I got so excited when she said yes.  I love training people.  In general, I have a passion to help anyone reach any goal they may have.  It’s a fucking amazing feeling.  Plus, I figured it will force me to go a couple more times a week.  It will be great way to get in summer shape for me as well.

All of the sudden I got that feeling of fire in my gut.  That feeling of excitement to use my gifts and knowledge to help someone else.  By helping others I get back such an amazing amount of fulfillment internally.  This was gods way of giving me another kick in the ass saying “hey dumby this is what you should be doing with your time”

I started making some goals in my head.  Get my training certifications.  Write more.  Start helping people reach their goals mentally and physically.  Train people. Start a meal prep company like a friend of mine has in Baltimore (If you are down in the Baltimore area check him out https://www.facebook.com/fitfoods2you).  Then the reasons started pouring in of why I cant do this.

  • I already committed to business last year and spent a lot of time and effort working on it
  • I have to get my training certificate and that’s hard and time consuming
  • I should have done this 10 years ago when I first had the idea
  • Im not good enough
  • And most of all IM JUST PLAIN, OLD AFRAID TO LOOK STUPID AND FAIL

All those excuses for the most part are just bullshit.  Yes, there is some truth and failing is a possibility.  But I can fail doing shit I hate doing.  Which has happened to me on several occasions.  The reality is its easy too dream and hard to create.  It takes a huge leap of faith into the unknown.  It takes facing the fears of what could be the treacherous reality in the future.  It takes courage, confidence and hard work ethic.  I have lacked these three things in many aspects of my life over the years.

I fear putting myself out there and how others will receive me. I fear taking risks because I could fail and look less than to others and myself.  I fear that I don’t have the capacity to handle the turmoil and hurt of failure. The funniest thing about this ridiculous fear is that for the vast majority of my life I took huge risks with my freedom to make a living.  Its strange how that fear never stopped me even though it was always on my mind.

I keep reminding myself that all the things that made me safe and successful on the other side of the law can be applicable on the legit side.  I need to develop the work ethic and courage to fall on my face a couple times and keep picking myself up.  I need to be firm, but fair with myself and my abilities.

I have been out of the legitimate business world for such a long time.  Many of the skills that made me successful 8-10 years ago in corporate America have rust on them.  It will take time to polish them up and get them up to a speed that I feel is acceptable and truly produce results.  Until that time I need to keep making mistakes and learning from them.  Once my skills are at that level I will need to strive to keep getting better.  Progressing by pumping out more and more reps and continuing to learn. Complacency is one of the most evil and dangerous character defects out there.

I see SO MANY people out there that have started out with much less of a cushion financially than I have and done SO MUCH more.  Many of these same people also lacked many of the skills and abilities I have.  They know much less about how a business is run and the inner workings of day to day operations.  Very few have tasted the type of financial success I have and don’t fear living with less the way I do.

WHAT THESE PEOPLE DO NOT LACK IS CONFIDENCE, DRIVE, AND THE UNCANNY ABILITY TO CHASE THEIR DREAMS AND MAKE THEM A REALITY.  They do not fear what others think.  In their minds they are already successful.  These types of attributes can’t be bought or faked.  However, they can be learned. Every time you face your fears and take it head on, no matter what the outcome is you learn invaluable lessons about yourself and life.  Those lessons are the building blocks to a happy, successful and fulfilling life.  Just like reps in the gym.  You build the muscles to change your life.  You wont always come out on top but if you can keep pushing forward you will grow an amazing confidence in your abilities.  You will be able to create the world around you that you always dreamed of.  I have seen this happen to others around me in many different aspects of their lives, not just financially.  It is something to truly revel

 

 

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