In college my friend once told me, “Dude you’re a scooter.”
“What the fuck does that mean,” I asked. His reply was life changing.
“You’re a scooter! Ya know. Scooters are fun to ride, but you don’t wanna see your friends while you’re ridin’ one. Chicks will sleep with you, then vehemently deny it when they’re around their friends.”
His analogy was genius. I really was a scooter. Girls would talk about how disgusting and scummy I was when they were around their friends. Some of them would even say it right in front of me. Then when the the night was winding down and the bars were closing they would be sneaking me into their house so their friends wouldn’t see us.
In my last year of college I made a career out of being a scooter. I had just gotten out of a rocky, three year, off again on again relationship. It had rocked my confidence and shaken my self esteem. But there I was, free to run wild. I attempted to sleep with almost any girl who crossed my path. I wasn’t very selective. I just needed to feel wanted and attractive.
After awhile I started gaining my confidence back. I was pulling a new girl every couple of nights. I was thrilled to be single. Life had meaning again. That meaning wasn’t incredibly altruistic or noble, but it worked for me at the time. I understood my role as a scooter and I played it very well to my benefit.
Fast Forward 12 years and I find myself in a similar position. I am once again single after a break up from a tumultuous relationship. It took me a couple of months to figure out how to deal with being single again. Not only have I regained confidence in myself, but I love being single right now. I haven’t enjoyed my life this much, well, possibly ever.
This time around, I have transitioned out of being a scooter and have become an “In-betweener.” I fill space in the lives of women who may have recently gotten out of long term relationships or are just looking for something casual. I occupy their time until they are back on their feet and ready to meet someone more suitable to have a real relationship with.
That’s the reality of my dating life . It’s perfect for me right now. I couldn’t ask for much more. I love being an In-betweener; just like I loved being a scooter.
I enjoy all the benefits of being single. I can focus on growing my professional life and I have the ability to do whatever I please with my free time. But, once and awhile I am able to spend my free time with the company of someone of the opposite sex. We go to eat, grab some drinks, get our dogs together, have sex or sometimes even cuddle. I’m able to experience all the great parts of a relationship without having to actually be involved with any one person.
When I meet a women I am very upfront with them that I am In-betweener. I explain to them that these are relationships of convenience. I have nothing to offer them except a good time. We both need to go about our lives, see whoever else we want to see and do whatever it is that makes our hearts content. Then, once a week or so, we can hang out together and enjoy each others company.
Sometimes this talk doesn’t go over well. But, like with business, I think it’s important to set appropriate expectations with any relationship in order to mitigate any confusion, disappointment or animosity. I would rather have a women tell me she is not interested in the situation from the gate rather than deal with drama and craziness on the back end.
The only down side to being an In-betweener is that occasionally, even though expectations are set correctly and all parties agreed to the terms, someone decides they are going to try and change you. These are the “Hopefools.”
The Hopefools meet you and hear what you have to say but in their head they think, “Not Me, I’m different.” Sometimes they can be extremely tricky to spot in the beginning. They play the game so well. Everyone starts out feeling really good about themselves and the situation. Then after a couple weeks of it everything changes.
Hopefools will start off with the first thing in the morning texts of “Good morning, I hope you have a great day.” This is usually the beginning of the end. It will quickly progress to a daily ritual. Then they will start asking questions about the other people you are spending time with. This is where you must make a decision about where you need this relationship to go.
The Hopefool has their mind set that you are going to be in a committed relationship with them. You have become a challenge and they have thrown down the gauntlet. If you continue along the path of this relationship ignoring the signs and think just because you explained you are an In-betweener that you are free from issues, I assure you my friend you are dead wrong. The upfront expectations you set have been completely disregarded. The Hopefool could give a shit less about what you said, because they feel deep down they are different and they are one to change you.
If you want to stay a drama free In-betweener you need to cut ties immediately. It’s not always that easy to do. The Hopefool tends to be extremely fun, endearing and is usually the one who’s down for anything in the bedroom. It was all part of their plan! They put on their A Game in order to leave you woozy and susceptible to their trap. It’s sort of the way the Black Widow lures in her mate only to kill and eat him afterwards.
This is the dichtomy of being an In-betweener. You have everything you want in the world, but you realize at some point it has to end or you wind up in a relationship again. Which is is the death of the wonderful world you have created. You will no longer be able to spend your free time as you choose. It could even start effecting your work life.
Being a successful In-betweener can be extremely rewarding. However, success in this game means making difficult choices. You have to be able to balance treating people you date in a respectful and caring manner, but not so much that they want to date you. You have to know how to appropriately distance yourself from situations while remaining honest to yourself and those involved with you. I think Kenny Rogers summed it up best when he sang, “You gotta know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.
