I matched with this girl on Tinder.  I sent her a message saying, “you have great sideboob.”  It was the best thing I could think of.

Normally I don’t read profiles, but something told me I should read her’s.  It was rather aggressive.  She mentioned liking boobs, so I felt my opener was appropriate.

We chatted for a little bit and I gave her my number.

One night I got a text from her telling me she was sick.  We made some inane small talk.  The conversation wasn’t going anywhere.  She lost interest quickly.

I wasn’t nearly as aggressive as I should have been.  I think at one point I even asked if I could do anything for her to make her feel better.  I’m sure her vagina dried up immediately.

About a week ago I noticed she added me as a friend on SnapChat.  When I checked out her snap, the first thing I saw was her dancing around naked.  She captioned the video, “Feed me dicks.” Apparently she’s a porn star.

I became intrigued and I googled her SnapChat username, which happens to be her porn name as well.  Instantly a list of scenes she had acted in, across various genres, appeared.

At first I was relieved nothing happened. Then a wave of sadness hit me.

I started asking myself questions:

Why didn’t I pursue a fun evening with this girl?  She seems like a good time.

Did I miss my window of opportunity?

Should I try to text her again, or possibly message her on SnapChat?

How didn’t I realize she was in porn?

This line of questioning lasted for a day. Then I moved on.  I won’t lie, occasionally I check out her Snaps.   She’s either high, partying or naked.  Which is much more entertaining than most people I follow.

I guess I shouldn’t have been too shocked to find out she did porn.  The “I love Bang Bros” shirt she was wearing in her profile picture should have given it away.