KRS’s Drunken Fun Ride into The Cornfield


My 1989 Chevy Beretta screeched out of the McDonald’s parking lot as the flashing lights followed behind me.  I was 16.  I had just received my drivers license 4 months prior.  I was extremely intoxicated; speeding down side streets in my little suburban town trying to outrun the police chasing me.  I had no seat belt on, but the party ball sitting shotgun was buckled up safely.

I was speeding recklessly.  But I obeyed all other traffic laws.  I stopped at stop signs.   I used my turn signals.  Not the best plan to elude police.

I approached a bend in the road and lost control of my car.  I ended up driving straight into a cornfield.  My car stalled and died.  Luckily no one was injured.

I started to exit my car and the police were on me immediately.  I was struck in the face with a flashlight and slammed to the ground.  The police claimed I was resisting arrest.  At 16 I wasn’t a very menacing looking character.   I was 5’9, 150 lbs and hammer-time drunk.  Drink Beer

When the police searched my car they found some odd items inside.  First, and most obvious was the party ball they found sitting shotgun with a seat belt around it.  Then they found a marine K-bar knife under the passenger seat and pair of nunchucks under the driver side seat.

When they got me to the police station my face was bloody and bruised from the flashlight.  I had brush burns from my chest up to my face and onto my ears from when the police had drug me across the ground.  I cursed out all of the officers using every bit of profanity I knew.

I made a lot of worthless threats about how my father was going to get me out of trouble.  He had zero pull.  I’m not sure why I would even say something like that.  I guess being extremely drunk and having been hit in the head with a flashlight could have had something to do with it.

The police antagonized me and got me to act out more.  I asked them to let me out of the handcuffs so I could wipe the blood off my face, but they refused.  So I spit the blood off my face towards them.

When the police finally drew my blood I had a blood alcohol level of .27.  Almost 3 times the legal limit (Back then it was .10 in Pennsylvania).  I was charged with DUI, eluding police and numerous other offenses.  They wanted to keep me overnight but I was released to my father.

After my father picked me up from the police station he did something very odd.  He took me to a diner to eat at around 2:30-3 in the morning.  We met his degenerate friends who liked to hang out at there all night.  I was bloody, bruised and drunk; and he thought it would be a good idea to go meet his friends.

The next morning I woke up with my face sticking to the pillow.  The blood from my cuts dried to the pillowcase causing me to be glued to it.  I was praying the previous nights events were just a dream.  But they were not!  Facing my family and friends was extremely embarrassing.  Especially showing up to high school with bruises all over my face and everyone knowing what had happened.

In the end I was convicted of DUI, eluding police and resisting arrest.  There were about 12-13 other charges that were dropped. I lost my license for 18 months and was on probation until I graduated high school.  Part of my probation stipulated that I had to attend outpatient counseling for alcoholism.  My parents sold my car to pay for my fines and lawyers fees.

Not driving for the remainder of high school really put a damper on my social life.  I had to constantly bum rides anywhere I wanted to go.  High school wasn’t a shining moment in my life.  My poor choices made it even worse.